celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

If you were the one who was spending the night

Intimacy. In every couple, this is the key of holding two people together. Yet, this is very tricky. Too much of it can kill the fragile equilibrium of a relationship. Not enough of it can cause the same effect.

Some people can be terrified by intimacy. When you think about it, it’s not that obvious to get intimated with someone you barely know. You basically let him/her know about your little habits you don’t necessarily want to share right away.

The first test of intimacy really comes when you decide to spend the night together. That’s why some people fear this moment like hell. A famous comedian in my country once said he never stayed in his lover’s place because he was scared of this level of intimacy.

It’s not particularly easy to wake up in the morning in a place that’s not yours, with a bad breath and hair very undisciplined. When you’re in a seduction mode, this is something you want to avoid.

Generally, when you refuse to stay for the night, this means you’re not ready to pursue the relationship. “I never stay over with a one-night stand. That’s a no-no. Just because I don’t want to see the guy afterwards. And usually, if I’m ready to start something with someone I really like, I try to avoid sleeping on the first night” I., 37, said.

For some people, it’s linked with their fear of commitment. “I had a boyfriend who never wanted to spend the night with me. And when we were at his place, he always asked me to leave after sex. He had always an excuse. Either he had to wake up early for work, or his parents would come and say hi in the morning, or he was just not feeling it yet. I tried to ask him why he didn’t want to spend the night with me, but he wouldn’t want to explain that. I decided to leave him because of that. He was clearly against committing in a relationship” T.,28, said.

For some people, this is not obvious. “P. never spent the night with me at the beginning of our relationship because he was hesitating a lot about our future. He was just separating from his wife, and wasn’t sure it would last with me. But after a long conversation with me, he just realized he couldn’t live with me, and decided to change his mind”O., 34, said.

I guess the key here is communication. Before we conclude too quickly that the guy isn’t worth it, maybe it is worth having a bit of conversation with him/her before. Unless he/she’s a real jerk…

So, does intimacy terrify you?


One thought on “If you were the one who was spending the night

  1. Ellis I. Lee says:

    i think the reason so many people fear intimacy (besides making us feel vulnerable to another person) is not knowing how the other person will take it… when they read more into it than what you meant.

    it would be nice to live in a world where you could tell someone that you love them without it changing the relationship equation. in his book “love,” leo buscaglia told of a woman who said that people are more willing to openly show kindness and affection for a dog than they do to other people.

    that shouldn’t be.

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