broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Did I disappoint you?

Recently, one of my male friends complained he didn’t understand women at all. He got dumped after two months, and never noticed something wrong about their relationship in between. “It’s like she accumulated the evidences against me without letting me know. She was building a case against me in silence” he said. When he got dumped, she told him why she wouldn’t want to stay with him anymore. And the list was very long. I told him that she wasn’t really into him anyway. After all, if she was in love with him, she would have asked him a lot of questions about his reactions, and tried to change him. That’s what love does. We all ask sacrifice for love. Even little ones.

Love is also blinding at the beginning. We find the other marvelous, addictive and all of the world loses its interest in your eyes, except the one you love. You spend your time thinking about him/her. This is called intrusive thinking. It’s associated with infatuation. But this period lasts a very short time, and the landing can be really hard afterward.  There, it’s best if you share some common points with your partner. You don’t create a strong bond just after a few weeks of romance. It takes a lot longer. When I see my friends who are in a long term relationship, I can immediately spot this bond. I don’t see that in new couples. They’re generally lips locked with each other or too busy staring into each other’s eyes, but it’s not the same bond.

Yet, for some reasons, people hold on to their rationality. They’ve been hurt in the past and don’t want to get fooled again. But if we’re too cautious, this is how we can miss love when it comes back.

However, a little bit of carefulness is sometimes saving you from disastrous situations. Maybe in the case of my friend, his ex just trusted her intuition, that wasn’t good toward him. But not bad either, otherwise, she would have quit earlier.

I guess it was my friend’s hesitation. I also hates hesitation. Too much of it isn’t a good sign of a strong relationship. It’s normal at the beginning of a relationship to hesitate. After all, how to be sure you want to spend your life with him/her right away? But after months of relationship when you get to know each other better, if he/she still hesitates, then, it’s not good.

There are many dealbreakers in relationships. What is the most important one?


2 thoughts on “Did I disappoint you?

  1. Debby says:

    After 31 years of being married, I know now I married because he was cute, and he married me because I was cute. I live in an emotional nightmare now as well as my 13 year old that’s still at home. He threatened “a war” if I live any place else, so I stay cause I’m scared of what he might do, and I have lived over 2 years now without even touching him. From the start of the relation, he broke every deal there was to man kind and the human race….now at 50, I know my future is really dim the longer I’m with him.

  2. Hi Debby,
    That’s very sad. You can seek professional help if you think your life is in danger if you leave him. The longer you stay, the more destructive it can get. Leaving is never easy, but you can’t stay in a situation like that forever. Take care.

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