broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Crowded house

Recently, one of my friends had the unpleasant surprise of meeting with his ex. Just right in front of his house. She was there, waiting for him. He hadn’t heard about her for two years since their separation. And she told him she realized she couldn’t live without him. The problem is my friend has moved on, and he’s now married and a father of an adorable little boy. So, there was no way he could run back to her.

Yet, when he told me about this story, he admitted he had mixed feelings about this. He loved her, and was devastated when she left him for another man two years ago. But since I know him, he’s not really himself when she’s around. They have broken several times during their time together, and each time, they would come back to each other. Until two years ago, when she met another man. Obviously, she’s not the right person for him. I really believe that love is not about suffering. This is passion, not love. And passion doesn’t last. It can even ruin you, make you lose your mind.

Since this meeting, his couple has started to evolve on shaky grounds. His wife got angry about his ex, and he hasn’t done anything to comfort her about his feelings. I told him he should be clear to everyone, including him. But I can clearly see he doesn’t have a clue about what he has to do right now.

We all have a past. And the past is never far. Yet, we don’t advance in life if we stick to the past. I have another friend of mine who’s in the same situation than his wife. she started dating her man while he was separating. But he hasn’t launched the full divorce procedure yet. When they met, he swore to her he would never get back with his wife, that his feeling for her has completely changed. Yet, this whole separation thing isn’t clear at all in his mind. And as a result, my friend feels a little bit secondary left in this relationship. Since the beginning, she said, they had a slow relationship. They don’t see each other that much. They have to keep their relationship secret because he doesn’t want to offend his wife. And she told me many times she wished she would see him more often. Their relationship isn’t starting at all because he’s constantly hesitating.

I told her that if she complains about this relationship, then it’s not worth it. After all, relationships are there for enjoying each other’s company. If you feel better alone than in his/her company, then you should ask yourself why are you staying with him/her.

Being in a relationship where the ex is still very much present in your partner’s life is difficult to bear. The key is to know why his/her ex is still very much present. The answer says it all.

So, what would you do if his/her ex was still present in your lover’s life?


4 thoughts on “Crowded house

  1. Why do exes always seem to have second thoughts when it’s too late?
    Pretty much every ex that I ever had at some point wanted his foot back in the door again.

    As to being secondary in a relationship, it’s difficult when the other person had been married before. THey maybe have a child together, so the ex will never be out of the picture. My ex was going through a divorce and it often left little time for me, due to his obligations to his child. Although the wife kept calling and never knew about me, I wasn’t bothered about that. I knew it was a necessity if he wanted to do the decent thing by his child. You should never be with a man who forgets about his fatherly duties because of you. You should never ask him that either. If he does that, even on your request, it means something is wrong with his integrity. And chances are if you two ended up married and divorced, he would desert your kid as well. Blood is thicker than water and you should always know when to take a step back when it comes to his children. That doesn’t mean that you should be unimportant and that your needs shouldn’t be met.
    My needs took a back seat which eventually led to an end of my relationship, but it had nothing to do with the ex wife.

  2. Hi anakit,
    Well, when you fall in love, you’re forever marked and it’s hard not to think going back with your ex if you had loved him.
    As for the child, for sure, you should never be in a competition with his kids. But it’s important he makes a distinction between your needs and those of his kids

  3. You make a great point: It is important to know why an ex is still around. If there are kids involved, the ex is going to be a fact of live. However, I think it’s not how the ex acts that counts as much as how does your current partner act towards the ex. People should not start new relationships until they are over their last one! The number three is definately too high when it comes to love partnerships.

  4. Ellis I. Lee says:

    “If you feel better alone than in his/her company, then you should ask yourself why are you staying with him/her.”

    it is interesting that you wrote that because that is how i decide whether i love someone or not… whether i would want to spend my time either alone or with that person… which would make me happier.

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