broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Black eyed


At one point in my life, I wasn’t faithful at all. I didn’t trust women. In my head, this was a way not to get hurt again by one of them. Until I realized I hurt the woman who loved me, and that I was making her pay for my ex, who left me abruptly, after telling me she aborted because she didn’t want to have my baby“.

This is what admitted a dear friend of mine recently.

We never get out of a relationship without any bruises. We don’t get out of a relationship without causing any bruises either. So, when we jump into a new relationship, it’s hard not to feel these old scars. Unconsciously, we can even react to our new partner as if he/she was our ex, and cause him/her pain he/she doesn’t deserve at all.

Another friend of mine admitted she was systematically chasing married men because her ex cheated on her. She didn’t realize this at all at the beginning.  She discovered his affair and left him immediately. Two months later, she started dating a married man. She fell in love madly with him, and wanted him to leave his wife for her. When he left their apartment to live with her, she called it quit two days after. And began another affair with another married man, repeating the same pattern. I asked her why she treated herself like this, if she found any form of revenge by dating married man. she looked at me with horror when I said this. The next day, she dumped her married man, and promised herself to stay single for a while, until she got her act back together. So far, her love life has been quiet. She prefers to spend her time devoting to others.

But it’s hard to admit we’re doing a mistake like that. And sometimes, we need the help of others to forgive ourselves and the one who hurt us. The key is to forgive.

When I met P., we both got out of a relationship that didn’t end up well. He left his wife because he had enough of her constant critics. I left my husband because he kept on bringing me down. And the first months of our relationship was shaky because of that. I was in constant panic, like if I was still with my ex-husband, and so was he. We had to talk about this several times to realize we shouldn’t fear each other like we were, and decided to take it without fear“K., 36, said.

We’re not forever black eyed. Black eye disappears with time, and things return the way they were before.

So, do you forgive easily?

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4 thoughts on “Black eyed

  1. I do forgive but the forgetting part is harder. Without realising it. our subconscious clings onto things for far longer than we are even aware.

    It takes time. And a lot of self-awareness.

  2. whatigotsofar says:

    I do not forgive or forget. I’ve been carrying around a pain for ten years now and I know it is affecting my relationships. I don’t want to stop carrying it around. I’m still mad about it.

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