Yesterday, I had a lunch with an old classmate, who ended a year ago her long-term relationship. She told me that since her separation, she hasn’t recognised her former lover anymore. “How could I be so blind? How come I didn’t see how he was from the beginning” she said. The truth is, when love is gone, reality comes back into force, and this landing can be hard. A friend of mine says there’s nothing worse than to see how ordinary is our old lover. But I don’t agree totally with him on this.
When it’s over, we can adopt an opposite behavior. It’s a natural reaction. After years of being commanded by their lover, some people feel the need to decide on their own and do whatever they want, without having to justify it anymore. My old classmate told me so. This behavior can be temporary. It’s part of the process of mourning our old relationship.
But it can also lay the path to a new equilibrium. When you don’t jump straight away into a new relationship, you ponder a little bit what went wrong in your previous one. To avoid making the same mistakes. A friend of mine decided to start a therapy after her breakup, and she decided she would never let someone tear her down like her ex did. So far, in her new relationship, she has stuck to this decision.
Another friend of mine went into a transitional period like that. But he never learned from his past mistake. With his ex, they used to barely see each other. They only saw each other on weekends. He’s doing exactly the same with his new lover.
To come back to what my old classmate said at the beginning, I also think that we do change over time. I’m not the same person I was when I was 20. My tastes have evolved. She also admitted this.
Love is a common path. But it can happen those paths head to the opposite direction. Unfortunately.
So, do you feel you’re changing?