broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

More than love


We loved each other. But we needed more than love to make it work

This is what one of my friends recently admitted when she talked about her ex. She said that because she couldn’t understand why, among her friends, some would run back to their man even if they had a huge fight that led to a break up. We all replied to her that it was because of love. She disagreed. She says there’s a line we shouldn’t cross, even if we love each other. And that line is sometimes blurry.

Her ex and she stayed for five years together, and they were about to get married when she decided she didn’t want it anymore. She discovered he was seeing someone else too, and her rival thought she would end up married to him. One day, she left him, after months and months of fights, even if the wedding ceremony was still on. She told me she needed time to get her act back together, and that she was afraid of leaving him. That’s why she hesitated so much.

But I wonder: did they really love each other? She swore to God it was true love. But when they were together, she was often away because of her job, and he was flirting a lot with other women. Both were very young then. And I guess they just projected an image of an ideal couple they were both scared of.

I asked her if they had a mutual understanding of each other. And she replied that yes. “He knew I wanted my independence. I knew he wanted me to take care of him” she said.

To my ear, this isn’t exactly what we call a mutual understanding. When you really understand the one you love, you try to comply with his/her needs/ feelings. You would know by doing this or that, you can surprise him/her, comfort him/her, disappoint him/her, makes him/her angry,… And this got to be mutual. That sounds more like a  mutual understanding than just recognizing the other’s needs, and take no action after that.

But it takes some maturity to learn about all of this.

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2 thoughts on “More than love

  1. Cricket says:

    About five years ago, I realized that Love Is Not Enough or L.I.N.E.

    If I ever got a tattoo, it would be as a single, simple straight line, almost like a rubber band reminder popping on my wrist.

    LINE is a great lesson, one to be remembered. If you abide by LINE, you are less likely to allow a mediocre relationship to develop farther that it should have.

  2. I went through a similar situation about 10, 11 years ago (I am now 30 years old). Many times when what seems to be an AWESOME relationship goes sour… the biggest issue is like what you pointed out (immaturity)

    Sometimes a good relationship can come, but it goes because either one or both of the parties are immature and NOT ready at that particular time… to do what is needed to foster a good marriage or relationship.

    -Daniel

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