When the person we love tell us it’s over, it’s like our whole universe suddenly collapses. The person who is at the center of your attention decided you would no longer belong to his/her center. And let’s face it, there’s no worse feeling than being rejected like this.
But in every book of psychology, you will find that we define ourselves by the other’s look. For example, we can feel ashamed because of something bad someone dissed on us. But it depends who says this. And how you care about what this person said about you. I don’t really care if the most stupid person I consider says something bad about me. This would only comfort my opinion that he’s a true asshole. That’s it. But if this person is my closest friend, or worse, the love of my life, those words can become really powerful and destroy me.
The key, to move on in a relationship, should therefore focus on changing your ex lover’s importance to our eyes. But this is not easy. Especially if he/she remains very much in our life after the break up. And also, if you have kids together. Children create an indestructible bond between two people.
But even here, it’s possible to change the importance.
First, there’s falling in love again. But bear in mind you come with a heavy luggage that can spoil your new relationship. Second, if you can, take some physical distance with your ex. And find new interests: it can be painting, photographing, helping others,… Everything that can keep your head busy for some time.
Time will heal the wound. We just have to give time a chance.
And then, there’s the don’t: live with your ex although it’s over for months, live nearby your ex, call your ex every single day to talk about nothing and everything (and not just the children), keep close bonds with his/her family/ friends, …
Not only, you will have a hard time accepting the fact he/she has found love again if it happens, but also, it will hamper you in the process of forgetting about him/her.
Living with the hope he/she will come back into your life can also bring despair if she/he never comes back. It can torment you for months and can become dangerous for your mental health too.
We’re all ordinary people. All of us. When love is gone, we become again that ordinary person. And so does the one we loved. If we managed to move on. The things we used to love can suddenly become annoying because of that. We can also realize his/her flaws are really bad. And don’t tolerate these anymore.
This is how a very funny guy you were in love with can become suddenly boring. Or a brilliant guy you used to listen every word can get on your nerves. And this is how you can meet, years after, the man you were madly in love with, and ask yourself: “what the hell was I thinking?”.
These are the signs we have moved on.