The number one is if you’re still in love with your ex.
Not only the person you date would feel in competition with your ex. If he/she hangs on to you and doesn’t leave you because of that, he/she can become jealous of the time and would take every occasion to fight about that. It is legitimate. If you were at his/her place, you would feel the same. There’s nothing worse than being left secondary feels in a relationship. And if your lover’s heart is already taken, it’s difficult to find your place next to him/her. There is also the fear he/she would go back with his/her ex.
“My ex used to call his ex every night to talk about nothing and everything. They would spend one hour each night chatting like that. And if I had one remark to that, he would just tell me that it wasn’t negotiable and that I had to accept this. This drove me crazy” H.,34, said. “His ex was sick, and he felt guilty about leaving her on her own. He spent his time calling her asking her about how she felt. And every time she had to go to the hospital, he would rush to see her. To much of my dismay, he also hid the fact he was seeing me, not to upset her. But yet, they were divorcing” O., 37, said.
Another annoying luggage is the family. If yours or his/hers is too present in your life, this can become difficult for your couple. “My ex’s father used to call us every time to give his advice on this and that. He was also in our house very often. And it was hard for us to live a normal life because of that. I finally got tired of this and gave up” I., 35, said. “His brother was really kind, but he was also unable to do something without getting himself into trouble. And my man had to clean up his mess every time. After their mother died, he had nowhere to go, so my man offered him to stay at our place. Soon, it became almost impossible to walk in our house without stomping on one of his belongings, and his constant presence became hard for our intimacy too. After one year like that, I asked my man if his brother could find somewhere else to live. And luckily for us, he found a new place with two of his friends. I think our couple wouldn’t have survived if his brother hadn’t moved out” P.,40, said.
And I’m not even talking about the kids, who won’t necessarily love you straight away.
Some people can also come with many luggage. “When I met P., he was heading toward his second divorce. He told me he wasn’t faithful during his marriage, and he even had a love child. He had also an old mistress who kept on harassing him on the phone. This was really scary” G., 36, recalls. “He was recovering from an accident he got because he was drunk when I met him. And he was also a little bit lost in his life. I thought he was going through a rough period and that it will pass. But it didn’t. He was constantly acting as a loser” L., 35, said.
Dealing with your lover’s issues can be really delicate.