broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

It’s complicated

Recently, one of my friends told me she has been in love for eight years with a man who doesn’t offer her the possibility of a true relationship. The guy is a little bit self-destructive, and goes back and forth with his lover (not my friend) who keeps on breaking his heart. I asked my friend if she didn’t find herself like the third wheel in this relationship. But she replied negatively. And said that she needs him in her life as much as he needs her in his life. One day, she hopes, they will live a normal relationship. She still hopes she will move in with him. And until that day, she spends her time dating other men.

Of course, none of her relationship are serious because of that. But she swears she’s fine with it. “There’s only one man I love, and it’s him” she said.

But I can’t help wondering: is this worth it?

I must admit I’m not better than her right now. I’ve been seeing a man who doesn’t want us to be public, and gives me plenty of reasons why it’s impossible for us to have a real relationship. The first of these reasons is because we have a 17-year old age difference. The second it’s because he thinks I should have children. But not with him. The third one is because he’s an ordinary man. But he also said that I’m his soul mate, and that I should always keep a place for him in my heart.

Why do I stay with him? Well, for the moment, he’s just what I need. I went out of a twelve years relationship where I was suffocating at the end, but when it was over, I was a little bit lost and needed company. So, I could say that he’s a rebound relationship. At the beginning, it wasn’t like that. He swore to God I was the woman of his life, that he found the one,… Then, all of a sudden, he changed his mind.

I know that I should quit him for not treating me the right way. But right now, I need his company. This will pass. I’m about to leave for another country where we will be far from each other. It’s the only way. I’m too weak and powerless over him.

As for my friend, I hope that she will open her eyes about her lover. She has just posted this video on Facebook:

A video I can’t see without crying, and so can’t she. Even if we both hate normal relationships right now. That’s a curious sign.

I still believe love isn’t so complicated when you find the right person. Yet, for the moment, I’m not ready for him. And obviously, my friend isn’t either.