celibacy, life, love, men, thoughts, wedding, women

Married for the wrong reasons

Why do we get married? Most of us, in our Western civilization, will answer because of love. But in some cultures, marriage is still seen almost like a financial trade, where the woman is the good to be sold.

I was recently reading this book written by Pascal Bruckner, a French philosopher. It’s true that marrying someone because of love doesn’t guarantee it will last forever. Love is a delicate feeling. It can last forever. But it can also fade away. Based on this two outcomes, marriages based on love have only one chance out of two to be sustainable.

Bruckner said that maybe we expect too much from our marriage. This is why divorces are progressing. And sometimes, our expectations have nothing to do with love. Love is irrational, we have to remember this. It’s also subversive. Some people have never fallen in love and don’t know what this really means. Yet, they can get married. And think they get married because of love, although it is for a different reason.

When I was in high school, some of my female classmates were forbidden by their parents to date whoever they wanted. They were also asked to remain virgin until the day of their wedding.  Their date also had to be approved by their parents, and this meant the date had to come from a wealthy and powerful family.

Twelve years later, some of these girls are married, have children, and depressed. Because their husband have a mistress/ left them/ discovered their homosexuality. And they thought they were in love when they got married…

I met more recently couples who got married only because they make a powerful couple. In this kind of unions,  they just use each other to parade in important events. But some of them don’t last because one of the members of the couple finally fall in love with someone else. Some do. But they only keep appearances. One of them are still married and go to events together. Yet, they do see other people in private.

Frankly, if I had to get married for these reasons, I would rather marry someone who’s dead. Like Chinese women many many years ago.

I’m still believing in marrying for love. And bear the risk it doesn’t work. After all, life is really sad if you haven’t truly fallen in love once.