When I was in London last week, I had also a chat with an old friend of mine. She told me she dated a married man for three years, and ended the relationship because she had enough of it.
When she met him, he was separated from his wife. But instead of asking for divorce, he got back with her, without telling my friend about it. My friend had no idea what was going on behind her back. He invited her to the restaurant many times, went strolling in a park on sundays and on holidays with him.
The problem was she never met his family nor his friends. My friend was in an open conflict with her family, so she didn’t care at all about this detail. And she believed him when he told her he had no real friends, because he spent his time working. He also told her she was the breath of fresh air in his poor existence.
She didn’t see him that much. He was always busy working or traveling, as he said. And there were a lot of tensions because of that. But he promised to her he would marry her someday and raise kids together.
That was before one night, he called my friend, and told her his wife was threatening him to take all of his money during the divorce procedure. And he asked her to remain unnoticed in his life, so his wife won’t be ever mad at him. And he also told her it would be best for them if they see each other less for a while.
My friend started to notice there was something wrong when he told her he had to help his “ex”-wife for doing the garden, picking her at the airport when she came from a business trip, and helped her with her old mother who was sick. He said his wife was sick too and needed support. Plus, he had to do what she wanted if he didn’t want to lose all his money in the divorce procedure.
My friend thought about leaving him many times, but each time, he would come back and tell her how miserable he was without her.
One thing made her change her mind. He got a flu once, and got stuck at his home. When my friend proposed to him to join him and take care of him, he refused. He said he needed sleep. My friend had a very bad intuition about this, so she decided to go to his place just in case of. And when she arrived, she saw a woman ringing at his door. She hid in the corner, and saw him opening the door and greeting his wife.
She cut all contacts with him the day after.
And told me she would take more notice of some details if she ever finds someone new. Like for instance meeting his friends and family. And not after three years together. Like seeing him more, for doing nothing and everything. She also said that she doesn’t want to waste three years hoping for something that would never come again.
Indeed, life is too short to hold on to simple promises.