When you date someone who’s not emotionally available, you face the risk of feeling alone despite being in a relationship. And this is not really fun.
People have various reasons not to be emotionally available. Some are just heart broken and turn off their emotions to avoid suffering. Some are just depressed. Some are just simply already involved in another relationship. Or not over their previous one.
“When I met J., he told me he was in the middle of his divorce, after twelve years spent with his wife. He warned me that he was going through a difficult divorce. I was expecting him to fight all the time with his ex, as my parents did when they divorced ten years ago. But instead of that, I found out he spent an awful lot of time with his ex. I discovered he was still going out with her in official events. He later tried to justify himself by telling me he received those invitations way before they were separating, and that he had to go with her. He also told me that his ex and he tried to discuss without arguing during the procedure, and that she cried a lot during that. He told me she was sick and was often at the hospital for gastric problems. So, he accompanied her whenever she asked him to the hospital. I discovered he was also helping her running her house, and each time, he would reply it was because she was sick. And told me it was none of my business. Then, one day, he came to see me and ask if we could make a break, because his ex has learned about my existence and threatened to complicate the divorce even more. He also told me she was the love of his life. And to add to that, I discovered he spent a lot of time with his ex’s best friend too, just to figure out why they were divorcing! I left him. And he only came back to me after two weeks for asking me one thing: if I had good memories of our relationship, of him” S., 32, said bitterly.
“I was the other one. I knew he was married. But he also told me he didn’t love his wife. He was drowning until I came into his life, he said. We had some very romantic moments, but there was plenty of downsides in this relationship. We had to see each other in secret, I couldn’t present him to my family, only two of my friends knew about his existence. I didn’t meet any of his friends. And whenever I needed him, I wasn’t sure he would be available. He even managed to get stuck at home once, when it was my birthday. And my valentine’s days were often without him. Yes, I did feel alone sometimes. This is why I left him, after five years spent like that. This did win over the wonderful times we had when we were together” I.,36, said.
“He was bipolar.When he was not depressed, we had a wonderful time together. No one else could make me feel so special. But each time he was depressed, it was if I didn’t exist anymore into his life. He wouldn’t pay attention to me. It was really difficult to deal with that. I eventually left him because I had enough”O., 36, said.
When you don’t find your place somewhere, you have two options: leave and try to find your place somewhere else. Or stay and suffer, in silence. But no one can stay long in a relationship where we suffer.