Without your love

“If my wife learns I’m with someone else, she will be mean with me during our divorce procedure. And promised she will try to ruin me. She felt threatened because she said that at 50, she would never find someone else”

This is what B. told me this afternoon.

Divorces can turn nasty. That’s for sure. As I said in a previous post, love and hate are never far away. B. underlined two things in his wife’s venom: she’s still in love with him (otherwise, why would she be jealous?) and she tries to culpabilize him.

This argument for me doesn’t mean anything. One of my mom’s friends found love at 56. And one of my friends complains her grand mother has two lovers while she’s single.

But what kind of love are you giving when you try to culpabilize your significant other by saying you will end up alone?

I don’t call this love. I call this selfishness. And you can only manage to do one thing: suffocating the one you love.

Personally, if I was B., I would give her what she wants in the divorce procedure, and accelerate it the maximum so I could have nothing to do with this bitch her anymore. Love is certainly not a prison.

But B. isn’t me, and he’s frightened a lot by her. He really fears she could take all of his money. I guess he didn’t sign a prenup before they got married…. So, as a result, he obeys to every of her orders.

Of course, he did some errors during his marriage. I know that when you call it quits with your long term significant other, you can’t help thinking about what you did wrong in this relationship. And feel guilty about it.

But at this rhythm, I don’t think the divorce would accelerate. Nor even progress. One of my friends told me though that divorce makes the ugly side of people come to light. He’s also in the middle of a nasty divorce, and it was her wife who asked for the divorce, after the conclusion that they couldn’t live with each other without arguing all of time.  He thought the process would be easy, as they both agreed to divorce. Yet, after months of discussions, he had no choice but to take a lawyer, because she wants more and more. And this destroys him.

One of my friends said that a prenup can avoid torments like that. She’s a lawyer, and she saw some tragic situations. That’s why she said it.