I was reading last week an article about the difference between men and women when it comes to say goodbye. The article basically said that men were all cowards and don’t know how to break up properly. Either they chose a very violent option or they will try to push their future ex to take the decision to end the relationship.
And if they leave themselves, they hardly give a decent explanation for their act. They will also help themselves with another woman.
I was quite surprised to read this, because I must admit I’m not that different from a man when it comes to leave a relationship. And most of my female friends did admit that either they choose a violent way to end the relationship, or they will try to push their future ex to take the decision to leave. Some of them also told me they needed to have another relationship to find the courage to leave their old one. This was also my case, when I left a twelve year relationship seven months ago.
Why are we so coward?
It’s difficult to leave and to call it quits. Unless you realize you were with a true bastard and that he/she just deserves no pity, it’s very hard to say goodbye to someone you loved but you don’t love anymore. You just feel bad, like a monster. It’s very culpabilizing because you know you will hurt your future ex.
But we can’t leave without any explanation. it’s like denying the existence of your future ex. This can destroy him.
My ex needed to know the reasons why I left, and I had a really hard time to tell him the truth. But I did. I was really afraid of his reaction. But we managed to stay friends despite all of this.
Telling him the truth helped him to do the mourning of this relationship. And move on. When I left him, he insisted to know the truth and told me that I owed him that. He was reason.
My ex is 38. He’s much wiser than B., who’s 49, and who is a coward. B. never explained why he wanted to end our relationship. He just said we needed to take a break because his wife was aware of my existence and that he was in trouble for his job. But he didn’t want me to go away. And he’s still very present in my life today. As a result, I’m still hoping he would change his mind. He hasn’t given me the help I need to do the mourning of this relationship.
I did try to cut all contacts with B. But each time, he would call me and tell me he doesn’t want to lose me. And I’m weak and powerless over him. But I know I can’t go on forever like this.
And for sure, I’m not ready to jump in a new relationship because of all of this confusion.
So, if I can give an advice to all of you, it should be this: always tell the truth when you leave someone.