broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

A rebound relationship

Last week, one of my online dates told me he needed to have a rebound relationship to get his life together again. He got dumped by his long-term girlfriend six months ago. And dated another woman for 4 months.

He realized this was a rebound relationship because “she didn’t even know what was WikiLeaks“.  He told me he needs a woman who can talk with him about politics, economy,… And not just someone who’s obsessed with shopping.

He added that we’re not really ourselves when we’re in a rebound relationship. That’s why it is called rebound.

How do we know we’re in a rebound relationship? Well, a rebound relationship happens shortly after a breakup. It can even start when your previous relationship is not over yet. Usually, we pick the guy who’s the complete opposite of our ex, or just someone who’s simply completely different from us. Hence the “WikiLeaks incident”.

I’m not saying that this kind of relationship are all ill-fated. One of my friends met her man while she was still with another one. Her previous relationship was a disaster and she didn’t know how to end it. She needed him to have the courage to leave. And five years later, they are still together. But their relationship started because they found out they had a common point: they met on the train while they were both reading War and Peace. A not so common read…

But there’s something to think about when you’re in a rebound relationship. What if, during this time, you meet your perfect match? The odds are quite limited, but it can happen.


4 thoughts on “A rebound relationship

  1. Butterfly says:

    I broke up with my EX in October 2009 for various reasons although I still loved him dearly, it was a hard decision. Very shortly after I left, he met a girl from Albania on the internet and brought her over to live with him for a couple of months. She then left and came back a little more than a month later and he married her. He told me in January 2010 when I asked if he loved her that it was just a mutual thing. I couldn’t believe he could move some woman into his home he barely knew so soon after we broke up. I spoke to him again in Feb. and asked again if he loved her and he said in a very irritated voice as if it didn’t matter, “I don’t know”. I guess he didn’t like me asking him this question but I thought how could you profess to love me so much and say you wanted to marry me then do something like this?? He stated that I wouldn’t give him what he wanted, live with him and marry him, and I guess she was more than willing. He then stated that he might just make the biggest mistake of his life and marry her in a month and guess what, he did! Paid for all of her immigration and everything. His own mother said she was concerned about him marrying this girl because she felt he was doing it because he was afraid to be alone and this girl was going along with it. This same person who always told me that he shouldn’t have to pay for everything when I tried talking to him about inviting my son and I places then we’d find out we had to pay our way. It’s been over a year now and I still have times when I ask “How could you do something like this”? and How could you possibly stop loving me so soon. We were together for 4 years and you just stop, just like that? I still have issues with how someone can possibly do something like this. You marry someone from clear across the country that you really don’t know well. How can someone do something like this and feel ok about it?

  2. Hi Butterfly,
    I know. It hurts to be replaced like that so quickly. But remember why you decided to leave him in 2009. If you refuse to give him what he wanted, there must be a reason for this, and you know probably better than me why. Ask yourself if you’re better off without him, and what have changed in your life since you broke off with him. What do you want from a relationship? Did he fulfill your needs?
    It’s important to understand this, Butterfly. This will help you to accept the fact your ex may have move on. That you don’t need him in your life. Yes, maybe he’s making a terrible mistake by marrying her. But it’s his life. And you’re not his girlfriend anymore.
    Otherwise, if you meet a great guy, you won’t even notice him, because you’re too focused on your ex.
    Besides, he would be pissed too if you decide to move on from him. So, take your life on hand, and forget about him.
    Try this: tell him that you’re happy he has found someone else.
    And take care of yourself. You deserve better than him.

  3. Clay Rice says:

    When someone gets out of a relationship theres the question of when theyre ready to move on. If they move on too quickly they end up in a rebound relationship that almost never works out.

  4. Pingback: Avoid the rebound « What's love got to do with it?

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