broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Fake plastic trees

(If I could be who you wanted, all the time)

We can do anything for love. Including losing ourselves. But by forcing ourselves to change too much, we can also realize one day how foolish we are. When you tear too much on a rubber band, it just comes back immediately to its neutral position. The same applies if you keep on tearing on it, little by little. One day, it will reach its limit and comes back into its original place just like that.

Many of us have tried to pretend to be someone else to be loved by the one we fell in love with. For instance, a friend of mine used to study late at night all about the movies just to impress the one she was madly in love at the time. Another friend of mine volunteered to serve an NGO abroad, so that she could be near to her man. Eight months later, she came back to our country saying she was homesick and couldn’t handle the heat of Africa. She was a simple employee before meeting him, but helped her local charity by collecting food for people in need.

By doing so, not only we live with the stress to not feel worthy to the one we love. but we also take the risk of not knowing who we really are. Besides, this is conditional love: if you weren’t like this or that, would he still love you?

This is really heartbreaking if one day, the one we love really meet his/her match. Because you can’t pretend to know all about the movies for long, while another one is really passionated about it. And passions are difficult to fake.

Of course, we can make minor adjustments because we love someone. Like for instance, stopping yelling at him for stupid reasons…

But if we don’t like Iron Maiden while he’s a true fan, we shouldn’t say so. Otherwise, he will think he would make you happy by buying two tickets to their concert, while you will consider this as paying a visit to the second circle of hell…

A true relationship should be based on genuine feelings. If you’re faking it to be loved by the one you love, this isn’t sustainable.

Gravity always wins…

broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

I keep playing your part…

… while it’s not my scene

A real relationship is like a theater play with two actors. One plays opposite to the other. And depending on this interaction, the scene may be great or not. The greater the interaction is, the greater the scene will be.

Imagine a play where only one actor gives it all while the other just doesn’t give a damn and even seems annoyed to be there. Personally, I would rather prefer a monologue than a scene like this. There’s absolutely no point in that kind of play.

So, when it comes to a relationship, it’s not great to be the one who makes all the efforts while the other doesn’t reciprocate. It’s called a one-sided relationship.

But when we love someone, we expect to be loved back. And we sometimes forget to see that we give it all to him/her, while he/she doesn’t share that enthousiasm.

“I met him in a bar and I was the one who asked for his number and called him afterward. I was also the only one to ask if we could see each other. He never initiated anything and was often too busy to accept my date. I was always the one to propose to go to see a movie or to the restaurant, and he let me pay. He never introduced me to his friends or family  and I never visited his place” recalls P., 36. She discovered he was getting married to another woman shortly after.

Sometimes, this one-sided relationship is less obvious. “He wasn’t really into it from the start, but it wasn’t obvious. When we first met, he told me we were different and he wasn’t sure about us. After our first date, he didn’t ask my number. He only left an email the next day saying he had a great date with me and he wished we could see each other again. Then, remained silent for the next three days. It was me who asked him to see him again and set the date. The D-Day, he arrived 30 minutes late. He apologized and said he left me a message.  Then, during the conversation, he admitted he wasn’t really over his ex and had also another woman in his life. I called it quits afterwards. But four days later, I called him and asked him how he was. He asked me out that day, and instead of delaying the date, I accepted right away. Three days later, he just told me he wasn’t sure about us. But he added he didn’t want to end our relationship. Since then, this has left me totally confused”  H., 35, said.

A relationship takes two persons to be. Playing your significant other’s part will never lead you anywhere.

broken heart, celibacy, life, love, relationships, thoughts, women

When love isn’t around the corner

So, Valentine’s day is coming to an end.

Men sometimes act rebellious during Valentine’s Day. A friend of mine told me her husband is allergic to this day and it usually turns into a huge fight. This year, she told me she forced him to go to her favorite cafe where she could eat the best cheesecake of the town. “At least, my evening wasn’t completely ruined thanks to the cheesecake” she said.

Another friend of mine is pissed because her man offered her flowers. “He knows I’m allergic to them and I told him numerous times I prefer chocolate and a card, but he never listens to me” she said. She offered him the chance to ride a supercar on a F1 circuit, but he didn’t like the car. And she paid a lot for that.

If I remember, in the “rules”, Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider mentioned that women should never spoil men when it comes to gifts. Maximum 100 USD and something like a book, DVD, shirt, … would do the trick. Maybe they’re right, given how many complains I’ve heard from my female friends about their gift to the one they love.

The “rules” also said that if he doesn’t offer you a romantic gift on Valentine’s Day, Christmas and your birthday, you should break up with him. At least, the roses my friend got were romantic. And she got invited to a chic restaurant  he picked months in advance.

Why people act so rebellious against Valentine’s Day? Is it because they don’t know what love is?

A friend of mine told me she used to hate that day when she was single. She had bad luck in her relationships and was never happy in it.

Another told me her man thinks it’s too commercialized, that’s why he doesn’t offer her anything.

Sorry to say this, but a single rose and a long love letter don’t cost a lot, and these are much more powerful than a diamond ring, especially if the diamond ring was bought so “she would let him alone”.

Valentine’s Day is just a day where you remind to the one you love how much you love him/her. If you don’t love someone, then of course, it will be a pain in the ass to show him/her what you don’t feel.

So, it may sound materialistic, but if he/she doesn’t offer you anything for Valentine’s day because it’s too commercialized, then, this means he/she doesn’t love you.

So, what was your worst Valentine’s Day?