When you love someone, it’s hard to see him/her turning into a fool because of somebody else.
Recently, I was speaking with my friends about the friends and relatives we know who are stuck in a bad romance. One of my friends is sorry for her uncle, who ran back to his ex-wife despite her misfits. They tried to get divorced, but during the divorce procedure, she tried to set their son against him and even convinced him to call the police to pretend he’s been sexually harassed by him. My friend’s uncle went to jail because of that. Three days later, his son had remorses and told the truth. His father was released. And now, he’s back with his ex. “He’s got her under his skin” my friend says. “But I’m not sure this is really love. It looks like a dependency” she says.
This is called codependence.
Another friend of mine watches his best friend making a fool of himself with the mother of their children. “She has already left him twice for another man. But each time, she comes back in his life, and he’s unable to say no to her. Each time she left, he went into a severe depression. And if she leaves him again, I’m afraid he would do something stupid. She’s not nice at all with him. She’s mean with him. She borrows him a lot of money constantly, even if they are not together” he said.
How do we know we’re codependent? Usually, we are warned by our friends and family who are worried for us. There are also other symptoms linked to codependence, like alcohol or substance abuse, lack of interests, suicidal tendencies,…
And this is certainly not love.
Stephan Poulter, in his book “your ex-factor“, explains that we pick our partner according to the parent we are in the most conflict. We usually try to solve our unresolved problems with our partner. And this behavior would only lead to a failure, said Poulter.
Love makes us do silly things.But these silly things are: crossing oceans to be with the one we love, writing touching poems, letters, songs for the one we love, think about him/her and feel happy as an idiot, and feel beautiful on the inside. It’s not: putting our personality completely aside, obeying to his/her orders and feel awful and alone in our relationship.
Love is a light feeling and is fragile. Of course, when it’s gone, it can leave us with a broken heart. But if your heart is broken before the love is gone, maybe this isn’t a good sign.