Sex as a barometer of love? When I hear the stories around me about this topic, I realize that indeed, sex is really important. A friend of mine told me that prior to his divorce, he didn’t have sex with his wife over a year. They were fighting constantly and had severe trouble communicating with each other. There were also loads of passive-aggressive behaviors between them. For instance, she gave away all his questions for his exams to his students. And he told me he needed to go on holidays alone, without her.
Another acquaintance told me she has trouble too in her sex life. It’s been seven months now her man refuses to touch her. They had a lot of fights too before he began to take his distance with her. And the fights were all about his lack of ambition. I guess her man felt diminished by her. It’s going to be hard to reverse this situation, I’m afraid.
What we say to each other can cause a lot of psychological damages hard to reverse. Apologizing afterwards is useless. For example, if you criticize him repeatedly about his looks, his performance in bed, his career, … this can really emasculate him. Besides, this is not the sign of a healthy relationship.
But what if there are already problems in the bedroom from the start?
“P. was never really into it when it comes to sex. He was really sweet with me, but sex wasn’t that great. The first night we spent together, we talked and talked until we fell asleep. The second night, he was so stressed that after 5 minutes, it was already over. The next one, he needed to have several drinks to get into it. And so on” G., 32, said. She called it quits after eight months.
“He needed to drink, to take stuffs, to watch porn, to light candles,… to have sex. Otherwise, he would fall asleep or play on his computer late in the night. He wasn’t that sensual” H., 36, recalls. Her ex is now living with a man.
If sex isn’t important for you, this shouldn’t be a problem. But maybe it’s worthwhile to check if there’s nothing wrong in the bedroom.