Some women get pregnant by accident. But for the others who try to have children, generally, they think about how they become a parent. And this includes analyzing the relationship we had with our own parents.
A friend of mine speaks German and French to his son, who’s only one year old. She has decided she would teach him her mother tongue, and raise him according to the education she received when she was younger.
We’re not necessarily helped by the father of our children in their education. Single moms do without this help and prefer to do so. Some are even convinced the father of their kids are only a bad influence on them. “When I see their father, I’m just worried for them. He’s such ill-mannered and let himself go a lot. I’m even ashamed to think I fell in love with him before” F., 33, said. “He’s not available. He’s always working. I’m not sure he could take care of her” C., 45, said about the father of her daughter.”He has a long list of women who come and go in his life. I don’t want my son to take his example” K.,40, said.
I wonder if these women ever thought their ex would have been a good father before getting pregnant. F. got pregnant after 3 years of relationship with her ex, but C. got pregnant from a married man, and K. knew all along her ex was a player. “I married young. But S., the father of my two kids, has always been childish. I thought he would have changed with parenthood, but he didn’t” V., 37, said. She’s now divorced, but pregnant from another man, who’s mature, she said.
C. told me she didn’t want her ex to father her daughter. “My biological clock was ticking. And I just thought: he’s very intelligent. I just hoped my child would be as intelligent“she said.
But all of these women admitted they reproduced the model of parenthood of their parents. F. was raised by her mom and her grandmother. Her father passed away when she was 14. K.’s parents got divorced when she was 4. Her father cheated on her mom, several times. C.’s father is a famous intellectual of our country, who lived a double life for many years. And V. told me her father was also childish. Her mother used to call him the man child.
This doesn’t mean these women do a poor job as mother. They just picked the wrong father, the wrong man. We all make mistakes.