broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

One lover, two friends lost

Falling in love costs you  friends. Last month, I attended a friend’s wedding, where was her sister, her husband and her ex-BFF. Before getting married, her sister used to share everything with her BFF. They have known themselves since elementary school, and had a passion for dance. He even sang and performed a show during her wedding. But since then, their relationship has gone really cold.

At my friend’s wedding, they were sitting very far from each other. And except  a hello, she didn’t say anything to him, preferring to stick to her husband. My friend said they don’t talk to each other anymore. “Now that she’s married, she can’t go on holiday with him anymore and go out like that like if she was single” said my friend. So, my friend’s sister lost her BFF.

Why do we lose some of our friends when we fall in love? Well, as I experienced, some of your friends can hate the one you love. I don’t really like my friend’s “boyfriend”. Officially, they are not together. But he controls everything in her life. And they live together. As roommates, she said. Yet, she told me she’s mad about him. And our friendship has suffered a lot since she started to live with him.

Beside, among your friends, some of them can be secretly in love with you or have still feelings for you. “When O. and I started to date, P. got jealous. We used to date for three years, but it didn’t work out between us, and we remained friends. We both dated other people afterward. But none of our relationships were that serious. When I met O., I  knew it would be different. P. also knew about this. And for no reason, he became possessive with me. He would turn out in every place where O. and I had a date. And wanted to know everything about him. O. quickly went mad after P. and told me that it would be better if P. and I took some distance. P. wanted me to quit O., as he told me he wasn’t good enough for me. But I knew P. was jealous, and that O. is the right guy for me. So, P. and I are not friends anymore” L., 37, said.

“J. and I have known each other since we were 12. But we never dated. He had a huge turnover of girlfriends, while I was just his good buddy, always there for him when he needed an ear to listen to his problems or advices for the opposite sex. I did have from time to time boyfriends, but all of them were jealous of the bond I had with J. And none of my relationships could survive to this, except when I met R. in college. J. and I started to take our distance when we entered college, but he was still a big part of my life. When R. came into my life, he became jealous of J. And I didn’t want to lose R. like I lost all my previous boyfriends. So, I told J. about all of this. And he didn’t understand.  He said I was taking a big risk with R. But I replied that I deserve to have a love life and was tired of listening to all of his stories, while my life looked as if I was in a coma. Shortly after, J. started to date another girl. And I didn’t hear about him ever since” P., 36, said.

But it’s important to keep your real friends when you fall in love. Because love is fragile, and you will always need your friends in difficult times.