Criminals often go back to the place where they commit their crime. Sometimes, it’s unconscious. Sometimes, it is to find proofs of their guilt and erase these. But curiously, when it comes to relationships, we can also feel this need.
Recently, a friend of mine brought me back to a cafe where her ex and her used to chat until late in the night. It’s been two weeks they’re over, and she’s a bit devastated by the break-up. Yet, over all of the cafes in our town, she chose this one. “I never really looked at it. When I was with him, I was concentrated on him and didn’t notice anything in the room. But I like this place” she said.
One of my acquaintances is also still going to couch surfing meetings, where he used to go with his ex, and where his ex is still attending with her new boyfriend. He left her because he didn’t love her as he said. But yet, he’s jealous of her new boyfriend and keeps on coming back to the places where he can see her.
Obviously, my friend and my acquaintance are not over their ex. What’s the point of going to a place where you can meet your ex, apart from seeing your ex? My friend said she goes there because she loves this place. But this place is also full of memories she had with her ex. As for my acquaintance, apart from going there to see his ex, I don’t know what he’s doing there. He admitted he has never couch surfed so far. So, this isn’t his place at all. But I guess these meetings are also full of memories with his ex.
I must admit I’m not better than my friend or my acquaintance. Lately, I brought my friends to a cafe where my ex and I had our first date. And I also brought them to a restaurant I went with my ex, which I really love. It was really weird going there. But I was sure not to bump into my ex. These are not the places he used to go normally. We went there by accident, each time. But I needed to go there and get new memories over with my friends. And now, I can think about this cafe where my friends and I laughed a lot because of our weird neighbors, and about the restaurant where my friends didn’t know how to eat with the injera and their fingers. Yet, I know I won’t go there anymore, over a long time. This was just a one shot.
It’s not good to go to those places full of memories. It’s like living in the past, and it doesn’t help us to move on. That’s why I decided to go the opera with my friends. We realized, over the years, that we all wanted to go there, but no one knew about it, until at that restaurant, one of us spilled the deets about her taste for opera. And that’s how we decided to start a new routine together.