broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Using you

Feeling used is such unpleasant. We all need to feel respected. And being used is a proof of disrespect for ourselves. Yet, we can use people when we ask for their help. But by asking, we let the other the choice of accepting or refusing. And we thanked them for accepting afterward. This is normal.

This starts to hurt if we aren’t asked at all about what we’re about to do. Or if we accept because we want to please the one we love. On the moment, you feel great about being useful. But then, when it’s over, you cannot help thinking about how you were used.

A friend of mine is now divorcing, and she’s devastated because she helped her husband to build his career thanks to her multiple contacts and a part of her fortune. After twelve years of marriage, her ex left her for another woman.

Another friend of mine lost one of her friends because she asked him several times to make her ex jealous in the hope he would come back to her. Her friend accepted because he was in love with her. He secretly hoped she would have a change of heart and realized he treated her the right way. But my friend eventually got what she was hoping for: her ex is now back into her life. But at least, my friend asked him to play that role. And her ex friend had the possibility to say no to her and tell her to find another way to get back her ex.

Another friend of mine had the unpleasant surprise to discover her ex was only with her because it was convenient for him. “He had no car, but always relied on me to get where he wanted to be. He also used me to make her ex jealous. But he never lifted a finger for me” she said.

There are obvious hints in a relationship to observe to know if you’re used or not. The first of these hint is simply phone calls, SMS, and/or emails just to ask you if you’re OK.  And just that, nothing else afterward. This doesn’t count if just after this message, he/she begins to ask you for a favor. If he never calls you to see how you’re doing, then you should ask yourself what the hell are you doing in this relationship.

Another of these hints is invitations to do something. Just to be in your company, to enjoy it. This doesn’t count if he spends his time on his mobile phone  while he’s with you or just want to have sex with you, and nothing else.  Or spends his time complaining about his problem and not listening to a word you say to him. Or spends his time looking at the waitress (or the waiter) instead of looking at you.

Love makes us blind and we can’t necessarily see these hints. We all do stupid things because we want to be loved back. But by yielding to our significant other’s disrespectful demands, we only make us disrespectful even more to his eyes.


3 thoughts on “Using you

  1. I am looking for people to fill out a survey related to Children of Divorce. If your parents divorced before you turned age 18, please take a couple of minutes to fill out this 8 question online survey. Your answers to this anonymous survey will help us to better serve current children of divorce. Thanks for your help! You can find the survey at:

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