broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

The left behind

When you’re unemployed, the chances you have to find someone if you’re single reduce significantly. People in general will immediately judge you on this criteria, because this screams you’re a loser, unfortunately.

When I met S., he told me he was a student. At 42. He got fired three years ago and never got back to work, despite having many diplomas. He doesn’t need to work, though. He has inherited several buildings in our town which he rents, and this gives him enough to live by his own means. This doesn’t force him to get back to work. But it also gives a terrible image of himself. Lazy. Spoiled. Immature. He told me he didn’t want to contribute anymore to the fortune of a big company. Well, if this is the case, he should stop consuming then. Everything you consume brings profits to the brand you chose. Or he should start to cultivate what he needs to live, and buy his clothes in second hand shops. Which is not necessarily his case.

But S. is privileged. Some other people who lose their job don’t own their house and haven’t got other revenue than their wage. In this case, it’s even worse to try to find someone. Nobody wants to know you. If you go to a date and say you’re unemployed, this doesn’t sound sexy to the ear of anyone, unfortunately. Dating is like applying for a job: you try to put your qualities on the table to seduce the one you’re dating. So, being unemployed is like a major handicap.

Of course, we can lie about our condition, in the hope our lie would end if we find a job rapidly.  But if it’s not the case, and the other finds out about this, it will be difficult to justify this.

One of my friends dated for four months a man who was unemployed. She knew he wasn’t working. He was very honest with her. But they share a passion for poetry, so she decided to give it a go. During those four months, her relationship wasn’t that great. She was constantly running after him. She had to come at his place, across the town. He never offered her any gift. She told me she was jealous of her other girlfriends whose boyfriends showered them with little gifts all of the time. She also said she had the impression of mothering him.

Besides, at the risk of sounding old fashioned, when you will present your date to your friends and family, especially the family, the welcome can be cold. Your mother or your father will inevitably ask, in front of him or directly to you, if he plans to find a job soon. Parents and people who love you worry about you and will fear you’re not with the right person. And if you’re wealthy, they will also fear that your significant other is with you for the money.

Of course, life can be a bitch and let you be let go while you’re dating someone. This is never a great period for your couple either. But some take this as a chance.

T. got fired two months before I was. We decided to enjoy our sudden freedom. We both worked like crazy before, and barely saw each other during the week. On the weekends, he had to catch up his latest files, and I had always a tons of things to do. We decided to do something we always wanted, but never had the time to do so. We went to an ashram in India, then took a tour of the country. After eight months of such a trip, we realized we should start our own business together. And so far, this works. And we have managed to rekindle our romance, which was lost” O., 39, said.

I guess the key in this is not to let yourself defeated.