broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Avoid the rebound


Recently, a friend of mine told me he’s not sure he made the right choice. He left his wife and kids for one of his co-workers two years ago, and is now realizing that his new love interest isn’t exactly the one. He’s also wondering if he didn’t make a mistake leaving his wife, who has now moved on.

Leaving your significant other for someone else can be really difficult to manage. Generally, we don’t leave our significant other just like that. Most of us leave because they have enough, and some of us fall into the trap of finding another person to love immediately after the breakup, so that they avoid being alone with their guilt. Some of us also do so because we fear we would never find someone else.

Like I said in a previous post, we’re not really ourselves when we’re in a rebound relationship.  We just avoid the moment we will face our broken heart, even if we’re the one who leaves the relationship. So, we can pick a person who’s not necessarily the right person for us. And this is temporary. There is no other way.

So, when I read a lot of stories about women complaining their man changed suddenly after months of passionate courtship, maybe these lack the bigger picture: they were just the rebound girl. This is typical: at the beginning of a rebound relationship, the man will promise you everything very quickly. This is not a good sign at all. Then, all of a sudden, he will stop calling you, stop being nice with you, and eventually told you he wants to end the relationship. And we don’t understand why.

Most of dating books will tell you to avoid speaking about ex’s while dating. But this is a very precious information to avoid being let down months later. We don’t have necessarily to ask the ex questions. Sometimes, it just pops up in the conversation. For example, one of my online dates told me he spent New Year Eve with his ex, among a group of friends. I just asked him what he did on that day, and it came in the conversation. After that, he admitted, without my pressure, that she left him for another man three months ago. And I realized she was still very much in the picture. She ended of course a long term relationship. And he was looking to fill the void she left.

Some men even mention this on their online profile: they look for someone who will mend their broken heart.

Only someone who’s also looking for a rebound relationship can stand this kind of ill-fated relationship. Because eventually, he or she will come to his/her sense and wonder why they started dating this person. The pill is easier to swallow if you live the same situation. Yet, it can be bitter.

For those who really look for a long term relationship, unfortunately, people on the rebound are not a great option.

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