Three months ago, when I broke up with S., I had to go to a conference given by a famous psychiatrist where S. was supposed to be there. When I arrived there, S. was sitting on a chair, chatting with a woman who seemed to know him well. Instead of going to him and say hello, I just ignored him and searched for my place in the room. When the conference was over, I just left the room and didn’t try to get in touch with S.
When I told this story to my friends, they all looked at me with horror and said I should have gone and said hello to him. I replied I was totally pissed off that day, and God knows what could I have said to him and his
whore female “friend” on that moment. It was the day after our break up, and I was mad at him for many reasons. There was no way I could have kept my calm in front of him.
But my friends told me at the time that this wasn’t the best strategy. “The best way in this situation is to go and say hello, and be friendly with his friend. It’s a test” one of my friends said. “You just say hi, be nice, and then go away, it’s not a big deal” she said. “And if you did so, you may turn the situation to your advantage. By running away, he would just think you’re too emotive, too immature. If you stay, and control your emotions, he would think the other way” she added.
Another friend of mine explained that when she met her husband, there was a third party involved. “He told me it was over with his ex, but it was complicated. And he didn’t want her to learn about us, so he asked me to keep it mum about our relationship. One of his friends threw a party for his birthday and she was supposed to be there. So, I decided to go anyway, and chatted the whole night with all of his friends, without taking notice about him. I was just following his instruction not to show that we were together… At midnight, he kissed me in front of everyone. And this is when our relationship really started” she said. “Of course, inside of me, at the beginning of the night, I would have slapped that bitch. But I’m sure I wouldn’t be married now” she added.
And they all agreed on one thing: never ever say anything bad about his ex or his new conquest. Curiously, with B., it was something I’ve never done. I never criticized his ex whenever he complained about her. I know their story, and I can’t help feeling a bit of empathy for her. She, on the other hand, hasn’t been nice to me. But I have nothing to win in going into a war with her.
We all hate the drama. How embarrassed would you be if your significant other starts to insult your ex or every friend of the opposite sex you have? This is the sign of jealousy and possessiveness. Not a sign of a healthy relationship.