broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Nasty break up

Break ups can turn sour between two people who loved each other once. Especially if one member of the ex-couple left for somebody else. Around me, most of of my friends who left for someone else had to go through a really nasty break up with their ex. One of them battled with her ex for the house they used to share. She fought a lot to get her things back. But her ex wanted to take his revenge on her for leaving him. There were fights on the phone, fights in front of the notary, in front of everyone,… As a result, my friend became a bit neurotic and got angry every time her phone rang. Because she knew it was her ex calling. And her new relationship was really hard because of that.

Another one got the unpleasant surprise of finding the locks of their apartment changed one day after telling to her ex it was over. All of her belongings were still in there, and she had to ask him to come and pick her stuffs. On the D-Day, everything was just thrown in dirtbags, and she realized some of it was broken. Intentionally.  When she confronted her ex about this, he just replied it was an accident. She also realized her emails were hacked. And her ex denied the responsibility of this, of course.  He even told her she was making all this things up.

I realized most of my friends who went under a difficult break up like her didn’t try to communicate properly with their ex, but just yielded to their emotions. It’s difficult not to understand this, because no one likes to be treated like that and harassed. When you leave for someone else, you feel guilty about leaving your ex. Even if you don’t admit it.  And it’s hard not to remain composed when your ex constantly reminds you of what he has done for you, and if he tells you you’re a really bad person.In other words, if he tries to culpabilize you. Reacting in this kind of situation will only make things worse. And none of you will really start the difficult process of mourning, that follows every failed relationship.

There’s only one way to stop this infernal fight with your ex: telling him how you feel about this, without minimizing his pain. But that doesn’t mean recognizing you’re a bad person, agreeing with him. Just tell him how you feel. That you’re hurt too, and very sorry for him. In the case of an abusive ex, like the one who hacked my friend’s computer, it’s also best to limit all contacts with him, and prevent him to hurt you again.


9 thoughts on “Nasty break up

  1. That’s right,breaking up may be awful but,it is not always the end,it may be a start of something new and more fulfilling life that everyone should deserve…

  2. Nek says:

    Oh sure, HIM trying to culpabilize (sic) HER.

    News flash: leaving someone for someone else is ALWAYS bad, and there is no need for anyone to point this out.

    Either the person was in an unhappy relationship and willingly stayed there until she found someone else, which is bad no matter what the other person did. If it’s bad, just leave. Don’t wait for ‘better’ to come along. Two wrongs do not make a right.

    Or the person was happy but she simply found someone better, who makes her more happy. Now if relationships are subject to such whim, why bother at all? And what is the point of marriage and commitment if we are willing to blindly follow our feelings in the most animalistic fashion?

    It is obvious that the ex will bring up all the things he did for a betraying and insensitive person, as is obvious that he will point out, and rightly so, that that person is a bad person. Yes, most of the sane world considers a betraying and insensitive person bad.

    Great advice at the end: limit all contact with the ex so he doesn’t hurt you again. Of course, we need not care about how much YOU hurt the ex.

  3. Hi Nek,

    Of course, leaving your partner for someone else is culpabilizing. But it’s important not to let our ex make us guilty about this. Otherwise, it will destroy the new relationship.
    Guilt can be powerful, and can even make us come back to our ex. But it’s a feeling that is not the cement of a healthy relationship.

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