broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

The one for me

Birds of a feather flock together, it is said.  In relationships, several studies have shown that long term relationships fare better if both partners share common points and the same philosophy of life. As I attended my sister’s wedding yesterday, I couldn’t help noticing how many times people said they have very similar tastes, starting from the love of horror movies, to the USA, and finally, to their little dog. My sister met her husband during a concert. They both loved hard core music. A not so common taste. And this is how it began for them.

We don’t have to share everything in common with the one we love. It’s impossible. And also, I doubt this could be sustainable on the long run. I couldn’t stand my copycat. But it’s best to share the most important passions with our significant other. For instance, if you really love traveling, you will have a hard time dealing with a lover who hates it. This is why it’s important to know what you really like doing. Because otherwise, you will head to a lot of misunderstandings with the one you love.

Some people do fall in love with people who are the exact opposite of themselves. “When I met P., he was different from all of the men I dated so far. He was also very unruly, but I guess I fell in love with him for that reason. It didn’t last because of that. I could never count on him and he never kept his promises” O, 34, said.

But we all fall in love with the person who holds the promise to change our life.  In my sister’s case, that change wasn’t important. But her relationship has brought her a lot of change in her life since it started.

I guess that change isn’t a problem when both lovers share the same philosophy of life. It becomes a problem when the two live in very different worlds. “I hated his friends and his family. They were all athletes  and talked about sport all of the time. This wasn’t my cup of tea at all. I met him while he was playing handball in my town. I was a waitress in a cafe where his team came after the match. And we fell in love at first sight. But I realized he was living in a world I could never fit in” M.,35, said.

And it’s not because you share the same passion that you will necessarily fall in love with your significant other. For instance,  I could fall in love with many many male journalists if this was the case. But journalists can be very different, and share complete opposite tastes. One of my colleagues like house music and never miss a love parade, for example.  Another one of my colleagues is in favor of degrowth and a ferocious ecologist. Another one is just stuck in his teenage years (and he’s 40). While another one goes to Church every sunday.

This common point can help, though. In my newsroom, many of my colleagues are in a relationship with a fellow journalist. Nobody can understand better what we’re going through than someone in the same circle. Yet, our profession doesn’t make us whole. This is why some of my colleagues fell in love with someone outside our circle. One of them is married to a soprano. He’s been fascinated by opera for years before meeting her. Another one married an actor. She’s acting in the same company as him. That’s how they met. Another one met his wife during a posh party only accessible to aristocrats. Others met their significant other through common friends.

So, finding the one isn’t that easy. Besides, love is irrational.