broken heart, celibacy, love, relationships, thoughts, women

Help yourself

After a break up, especially if the split was difficult, it’s important to told to people how you feel and how hurt you were with the relationship. But here, your friends may be not qualified to do so.

Have you noticed how easy we speak about everything in our life, especially the bad moments, to total strangers? This is not crazy at all. It’s difficult to find someone who will simply listen to you and your problems without judging you. And even friends who don’t judge you may not qualify for this.

A dear friend of mine  doesn’t want to hear me complaining all of the time about my ex. So, she’s taking her distance with me now. But I’m not mad at her. She’s living the exact same situation that I go through with my ex, and my experience reminds her constantly of the mistakes she makes too. She’s still my friends. She’s still there when I have good news or other bad news than my ex. But this is the topic I can’t speak with her.

As for the other friends that I have, I just fear their judgement. Few of them know I dated my ex. And this will be a shock to them if I told them the truth. I’m afraid they won’t understand what I did.

Talking to total strangers can be really relieving because you don’t feel judge and you know you probably never cross their paths again. This is important, because if you turn to a friend who doesn’t keep her/his mouth shut about your story, you may lose a friend.

A friend of mine got also the painful experience of watching her good friend taking her ex’s side after the break up. Worse, her good friend is now dating her ex. She feels absolutely betrayed and I understand her.

When your friend knows your ex, and still sees him, it may be delicate to told her how your feel and what kind of jerk he was with you. Your friend can be tempted to tell him everything you said to her. This happened to a friend of mine. It’s now World War III with her ex because of that.

Then, some people you know can turn a surprising confident. “I ran into his ex at a gym class. She was nice but a bit sad, and so was I. Both of us were devastated about our breakup with him, which happened in six months of interval.  We knew about each other, so I proposed to her to talk about how she felt, and surprisingly, our exchanges were extremely relieving for both of us. We could talk for hours about how bad he treated us. It helped us realize what an asshole he was. She fell in love with our gym teacher afterward. And I found love again. We remain friends. And we can’t stop laughing when we think about how we got together, because we didn’t expect this at all” I., 35, said.

A therapist can help you also to feel better after a break up. The key is to speak, and not let your feelings hidden. This is not the time.


4 thoughts on “Help yourself

  1. Hey J! Long time without writing over here!
    I’m totally agree about some friends who doesnt look so right to talk them about certain issues in life. That’s my situation. I’ve got just a few friends, and good ones, but I end up telling my sorrows and problems to people I havent seen in my life… it seems it’s easier when the other person isn’t looking at you with eyes of judgment, I guess..

    Huge Hugs! xx

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