broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

That woman

It’s easy to earn a bad reputation. When I was in high school, bad reputations were given to the girls who dated every boy in the school, or those who had a heavy turnover of boyfriends. These were also given to the girls who stole another girl’s boyfriend who also was in the same school. To avoid this, it was best not to have your business in the school. But it was difficult.

When we get older, these bad reputations can be earned if we sleep with everyone in our office. A former coworker of mine had received the unwanted nickname of the office whore because she was really easy. Every man in my office could score with her. These bad reputations can also appear when we date a married man. Then, we are referred to “that woman”. Really unpleasant. Some women don’t care about this. But sometimes, we can earn a bad reputation against our will.

Recently, a friend of mine told me the story of her sister, who got involved in a love triangle against her will. When she met her man, he told her he was about to get divorced from his wife. But he wasn’t living apart from her, mainly because of financial reasons. He said they had to sell the house and was looking for an apartment, but didn’t find a decent place to live yet. As my friend’s sister also looked for a new apartment at the time, and knew how hard it is to find the right one, she believed him. He was very available for her, and took her out as often as he could. He promised her a lot of things, and told her every of his secrets. He even took her on several holidays.

That was until one day, she realized people she knew were talking really negatively about her, and referred her as the other woman. My friend told me her sister realized then her man never talked about her to his ex wife. His ex-wife knew about her because friends told her they saw her husband with another woman.Worse, my friend’s sister learned that their numerous holidays together were used against her man during the divorce procedure. Because her man’s ex still received the bill at their house, and didn’t hesitate to open every letter addressed to him. She didn’t understand why people treated her so badly, until she realized her man was still seeing his wife, and they were trying to rekindle their relationship, despite the divorce procedure.

Of course, he could have put a stop in this, by deciding to choose between the two. But he didn’t. And my friend’s sister was really mad at him all of the time. As a result, he dumped her.  But her reputation didn’t disappear.

These are cruel situations. And I don’t think we can really avoid this. In the case of my friend’s sister, her only option was to try to confront him calmly about his behavior, using the “I” rather than “you”. And then leave him. The pill would have been less bitter to swallow if she had earned a little bit of respect from him. The gossips around her wouldn’t have affected her that much.

As for now, her option is just to leave him alone and concentrate on herself. It’s the only way to mend a broken heart. Gossips will eventually disappear.

In a love triangle, nobody really wins.