broken heart, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Poles apart

In my country, the rate of divorce is really high. One couple out of three divorce, and this rate can get to one out of two in big cities. The same rates can be observed in other countries as well.

Some unions are undone after only a few years, while other can dissolve after twelve, twenty years. There are no universal rules to divorce. Except maybe that we all realize, when we divorce, that we picked the wrong partner, or that he/she doesn’t offer us what we hope in a relationship anymore.

Why do we have it so wrong with marriage?  Maybe this is because we rely only on our feelings? Love is not rational at all. And it is said that we marry the parent we have the most conflict with. No wonder why it is doomed to fail.

Are we only able to pick the person who’s toxic to us?

There are many reasons why we are unable to recognize an unhealthy relationship from the start. The first one is probably a low self-esteem. But not only. Sometimes, we reproduce the same mistake our parents did before us. Like if we were conditioned by our family.

One of my acquaintances is currently dating a man who’s the spitting image of her dad: an arrogant Mr-know-it-all. She secretly hopes she will get married one day with him. Her own mother left her dad for another man because she had enough of him. And they haven’t spoken ever since. Curious how our parents’experience imprint our own love life.

A friend of mine is living with her long-time lover. They have known each other for 9 years now, and have been on and off a couple of times. And she told me he’s the man of her life and hopes to marry him. But I truly hate the guy because he doesn’t treat her the right way. But my friend is very realistic about her situation. She just admits she can’t live without him. She needs him too much. Yet, he’s unable to offer her what she really wants: a family and a marriage. He constantly pulls back.

Another of my acquaintance fell for a guy who was in open conflict with anything that reminds him of hygiene. She was 35 and still living at her parents when he made her move with her. She thought he was her last chance to be loved before ending like a desperate spinster.  She married him and got two kids. And finally divorced him because she had enough of him. It took her a long time to find another man. And her relationship didn’t last.

But it is hard to recognize our relationship is toxic in an early stage, and even harder to take the decision to unplug it for good. My friend is unable to do so. But I can’t blame her. That’s how we can end up in a bad marriage. And helps the statistic of divorces.


3 thoughts on “Poles apart

  1. Jon Smolowe says:

    I know the feeling. I just read an amazing book that was recommended to me on the horrors of an unexpected divorce. It’s called “I Thought We Were Happy: Lessons My Wife Taught me on the Road to Divorce” by Jonathan L Lewis. (I found it on – couldn’t find it on B&N). This guy is wide open with the emotional trauma of what he experienced going through a divorce he never saw coming.

    Has anyone else read it? I was blown away. It hit SO many buttons and expressed so many of the emotions that I went through.

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