broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Love doesn’t come easily

Yesterday, I went to dinner with an old friend of mine, who’s also single. She hadn’t had any serious relationship since she left the father of her child two years ago, and she told me she had tried several times to find the one, but she didn’t succeed.

Dating sites just get on my nerves, and every man I meet is either too old for me or just leaves me cold” she said. She also admitted she would have a hard time trusting another man again after what her ex did to her. And I understand her.

I’m currently reading “L’envie“, a book where the author explains she lived for a certain period of time without a sexual life. She described the numerous situations where her friends, worried for her, tried to set her up with a single man who, each time, wasn’t her cup of tea.

It can happen that we feel the need to be alone and enjoy our own company, especially after a painful breakup. Some people fear that loneliness and jump straight away in another relationship. This is the recipe of disaster for a rebound relationship.  Most of the time, these relationships don’t last, and it can leave with you with a bigger broken heart than the one you had before. It can even push you back into your ex’s arms. Even if you knew he/she didn’t treat you the right way.

C. ,34, left her husband because she found out he cheated on her. She jumped straight back into a new relationship that lasted one year, until she got back with her ex-husband. Three months later, she left him again, because she found out he was still cheating on her. Hasn’t she tried to remain on her own for sometime and think about what went wrong in her marriage, maybe wouldn’t she have made that mistake to come back.

Time alone, without a significant other, can also help us to figure what we want in our life.  It’s important, because it allows us to be selective with the potential love interest we meet. Although I really believe that we simply know when we find the right one. In my case, if I don’t want to go away after a drink, I know I’m in a right company. That’s a start.

In that book, the author mentioned one encounter she had with a guy who was cynical and talked in derogatory terms about women, and explained she took the opportunity to leave him when he was looking away…

I guess this distance helps us recognize quickly toxic people…


6 thoughts on “Love doesn’t come easily

  1. Without reflection and self-knowledge, we make lousy choices repeatedly. I lack patience and compassion for women who keep picking losers — it tells me more about their inability to make a wise choice, even if it means being alone for a long(er) period of time. Living without sex or a man’s attention will not kill you. If you think it will, you’ve got a lot of growing up to do.

  2. Hi Caitlin,

    The author of the book I mentioned here has raised awareness about this particular topic in my region. You are absolutely right about making that wise choice. Thanks for stopping by.

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