A friend of mine once told me she doesn’t understand her brother-in-law, who’s not exactly what we can call a charming prince. In fact, my friend is mostly worried for his actual girlfriend.
Her brother-in-law lived with his mother until he decided, at 31, to go to Russia and find a girl. My friend said he lied to his girlfriend about the money he didn’t have. And when he came back with her, she discovered the truth and left him one year after. She never came back. But he was left broken-hearted. “He really believed this relationship could last” said my friend.
Six months later, he went on vacation in Rio de Janeiro, and met another woman. This time, he didn’t lie about the money he doesn’t have. He didn’t have to. This woman didn’t look for money. In fact, since they are together, she’s been buying him expensive gifts and travels all of the time.
“I wonder what does she find in him. He never talks. I just hope for her he’s a good lover” she said. This is very unlikely, in my opinion.
But my friend raised a point here: how can we develop a relationship with someone who has trouble communicating? Besides, communication is key to establish a contact when you meet someone for the first time. If the conversation doesn’t turn that well, chances are you wouldn’t want to see your date again afterwards.
We transmit a lot of informations on ourselves by communicating. During my numerous dates I had this year, I met quite a lot of men who told me they hate talking about themselves and prefer hearing what people have to say. I’m not sure I would prefer the guy who talks about him all of the time. But this is clearly a sign these guys don’t really want to communicate with me.
The way we talk about ourselves says it all about how we perceive ourselves. People with low self -confidence will describe themselves with many flaws or with confusing words. One of my online dates was really unable to tell me with simple words what he was doing for a living, and how many brothers he had.
People who are narcissistic will only talk about themselves and will quickly get bored when you talk about yourself. People with self-confidence will just tell you who they are, and won’t hesitate to joke about themselves.
These informations are precious. It helps us in our decision to like or not the one we’re dating.
So, the one who doesn’t want to talk about himself doesn’t really care if you could like him or not. He simply doesn’t care about you.