Cemeteries are full of people who got it wrong with love. The one of Fairview, in Newark NJ, is no exception to that.
Love, when unreturned or used, can make us suffer to a point where we don’t give a s*** about our life anymore. We can fall into depression after a break up. We don’t get out of love without any wound.
When we fall in love with the wrong person, it can lead us to suicidal tendencies. Some cope with this with drugs and/or alcohol, and go deeper down the spiral.
But the heart has its reasons the reason doesn’t understand. And because we love, we choose not to listen to the voice of reason (nor to the worries of our friends and family).
A friend of mine doesn’t listen to me nor her other friends anymore, despite she has several times recognized her man wasn’t that good for her. Since she knows him, she had been drinking a lot (too much). He controls her life and tells her when she needs to go out and who she can see. Of course, I’m not the right person for her, according to him.
She has tried to run away from him many times, but each time, she runs back to him. “I have tried everything, including severing the ties for months, but I’m weak and powerless over him, even though I know he’s not the right man for me” she once told me.
Why do we become dependent like that and destroy ourselves?
Love can also lead us to pick a partner who’s dangerous to us. Most of crimes are passional ones, unfortunately. There are warning signals we shouldn’t ignore when we meet someone new. But for a reason, we choose not to pay attention, because we’re sometimes desperate to find love again.
This is the case when we try to jump back too soon in the love wagon after a breakup. Rebound relationships start when we’re not really ourselves. But this is also the case when we feel the burden of celibacy.
The only way to avoid this deadly trap is to love yourself. Find your passions, your limits, the people you love. These are the deal breakers if your lover suddenly comes into your life and tries to change it. It’s not easy to let go something you have fought hard or love to death. Like we have a hard time letting go a devastating love, because we lose ourselves and give ourselves entirely to it, we can also have a hard time letting go our passions, the things that are important to us.
The things that are important to us are our personal choices. Nobody can have a hold on this, except ourselves.
NB: I will always remember her like this.