broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

We’ll get married when we’re 40…


Recently, a friend of mine told me she was really upset because one of her friends was leaving for another country. “He said he fell in love with Thailand and wants to set a restaurant there. He already sold his house and all his belongings here when he told me that. It wasn’t a joke. He was really on the go” she said.

Her friend and she had a special friendship. They were lovers for years until they decided to call it quits (she left him because he cheated on her). But they have remained good friends.

Last year, she told me they made a pact together. By the time they will be 35, if no one is involved in a serious relationship, they will have a child together. She said they planned to live next to each other to raise the kid. But she also said they don’t want to rekindle their old flame.

So, when he told her he was about to leave for Thailand, she was disappointed, because she will never have a kid with him (she’s turning 35 in six months).

Why do we make such plans? My friend isn’t the only one who made such promises. Usually, we seal this kind of deal when we’re young, in College for example. Because at 20 and under, we may not know what holds the future, but we have still some illusions about it.

Life often decides otherwise for us.  At 20, people have an unclear idea of what they will be when they grow old. I knew back then I wanted to be a journalist. But I couldn’t really see how.

Life also offers us opportunities we know we can’t refuse. And these change the course of our destiny. For example, a friend of mine got offered the chance to work abroad, in Hong Kong. She couldn’t refuse. But she would never thought, when she was young, she would work there.

We can also meet the One despite such a deal. “I made a deal with my best friend when we were 22. By the time we’re 40, if we  were still single, we would get married together. But then, I left for another town because I had an opportunity for a job, and we lost contact. Fifteen years later, I learned he got married. His wife is now expecting their second child. Our deal seems really compromised” R., 39, said.

Besides, why setting a day in the future like that? Chances are it will never work in the future if it didn’t work in the past. Or if we hadn’t tried anything.

As for my friend, I think her plan was ill-fated from the start.

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