broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

The blind side


The world of finance was shocked this past week by this. In this op-ed, one of the former employees of Goldman Sachs explains why he’s leaving the firm, saying it became a toxic environment.

The guy got little empathy for shouting this out loud. This is probably the best example for why he got slashed.

Among the numerous negative comments on this op-ed, there was one asking why it took him 12 years to realize his firm was doing something immoral. “12 years, it’s a long time!” said one of my contacts.

Yes, it is a long time. But many people stay in a bad relationship for years. And they don’t realize how bad it is until one day, something happens in their life.

We get used very easily to a bad treatment. If our significant other is manipulative, he/she can lull our defenses to sleep. This takes years of repetition. And we don’t see that coming. At least, we don’t want to see those alarming signs, because we’re in love. But usually, the alarming signs are there from the beginning.

But we always know when we have enough of this situation. That’s why we leave. But it takes a long time until we realize we can’t take it anymore.

This can happen because we don’t love ourselves enough. If we love ourselves, we know what’s not good for us, and we don’t accept to be treated the wrong way.

Once, a friend of mine told me about her bad experiences with online dating. She met several of her online dates, and she realized they were far from the prince charming. “One was criticizing my diploma. He asked me why I chose to do my PhD in Egyptology, because “it’s completely useless”. He added he bet that was a diploma easy to get. But when I asked him what he studied, he replied he was a college dropout. And no, he’s not Mark Zuckerberg” she said. “Another one was constantly talking in derogatory terms about women in general, and was yelling at me for picking a bad restaurant. He let me choose the place” she added. Each time, my friend declined politely the second date.

Hadn’t she loved herself, she could have said yes to a second date, and even a relationship with one of her disastrous online dates.

But when we don’t love ourselves, this is where it can go dangerous. “I met him six months after my father passed away” said one of my friends, who discovered her unconscious father lying on the floor of their kitchen. “I guess I saw him as my savior. I wasn’t really well during this period” she added. “But he was very jealous and possessive, and never wanted me to go out without him. He was also criticizing me every time he could” she said. My friend realized she had enough the day her little daughter started to repeat every insult her father said to my friend. “My little baby looked at me and asked me if I was crazy, after her father yelled at me and told I was crazy. For me, this was the sign I should leave this relationship. I didn’t want my daughter to be raised like this” she said.

But it took her a lot of time to realize this.

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