broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Lover by default

Recently, I met my cousin’s boyfriend for the first time, and I was a bit skeptical about her choice, since I know what kind of men she fancies in general. Last year, she couldn’t stop staring at the photographer at my sister’s wedding, a tall, athletic guy with a big smile and a goofy sense of humor. All of her previous boyfriends were a bit like him. Here, her new man is a complete turn from her love past. He’s the typical guido, for those of you who watch Jersey Shores, you would know what I mean. He speaks very loudly, is very bossy, and doesn’t really care about her. She obeys to him. When I met her for lunch, she was constantly watching the time because she had a barbecue and he was waiting for her. My other cousin, who was with us, told her it was a bit rude to me, because I don’t visit her that often (she lives in the USA, I live in Europe).

Why do we pick lover we would never go for in normal time?

There are different reasons for this. The first one can be resignation. “I kept on falling for the same type of guys who were handsome, but selfish and superficial. Until I met J. at work. He wasn’t what we can call an Apollo. He was a bit overweighted and had a curious sense of fashion. But he had a lot of humor, and he could listen to me for hours. So, I decided to give it a try. And so far, I’m convinced I made the best choice” K., 36, said.

The second one is weakness. “I met H. when I was in a low point in my existence. I hated my job, but I couldn’t see what I can do next. My father has just passed away. So when H. came into my life, with his big smile and his precious advices, I thought he was my savior. He wasn’t the type of men I usually fancy. He was short, bald, chubby. But he had a huge sense of humor that compensates everything else. Unfortunately, it turned out he was also a liar. I was defenseless at the time, I couldn’t see his manipulative ways straight ahead.”Y., 40, said.

Then, there’s the friend turned into a lover. By accident.”O. was a good friend of mine who was always there when I needed him, including when I needed a shoulder to cry on after my many many ill fated relationships. I met him at a party five years ago, but nothing happened between us because we weren’t attracted by each other. We’ve decided to stay friends since then. After another breakup with an emotionally unavailable man, I turned to him again to complain about men. This time, he pushed me to get out and we ended up at a party. I was drunk at the end of the night, and I didn’t remember anything, until I woke up in his bed the next morning. I ran away while he was still sleeping. But three days later, we decided to start something together” I.,35, said.

In my cousin’s case, her boyfriend was the friend who hung around her. I’m not saying this is a reasoned choice here. It doesn’t seem like it.

But sometimes, the man we choose by default is also the sign we grow up. If we choose it for good reasons.


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