broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

When women cheat

Unless you’re living on Mars, you probably heard this news about Kristen Stewart who cheated on Robert Pattinson with her director in the movie “Snow White”. Robert Pattinson has packed his bags and left Los Angeles.

Haven’t Kristen apologized and publicly recognized she cheated on him, maybe he wouldn’t have left her. But since paparazzis are following them everywhere, it would have been difficult to hide her affair.

One thing people should know when they cross the line of infidelity is that we should never tell the one we love about it. Of course, we should all know that if we cheat on the one we love, we face the risk of losing him/her. But when we think we’re honest to tell the one we love we were unfaithful, we should expect not to be forgiven for what we did.

Yes, we can be unfaithful. It happens, unfortunately. But nobody stands for long being cheated on. A friend of mine cheated on her man the first year they were together. She told me she realized she made a terrible mistake after that, and she never told her man about this. So far, they are still together and are very happy. She never cheated on him again.  If she had been honest with him, she may have lost him for good.

I guess it depends on the situation. But we should never tell about our infidelity, unless we want to end the relationship. Another friend of mine cheated on her man, and told him about it. Against all odds, he stayed with her afterwards. But their relationship wasn’t the same anymore. Her man became suspicious, angry about her. Three years later, he left her for another woman.

There are up and downs in every relationship. Infidelity can be part of it. Of course, it’s difficult to hide when we’re unfaithful. And our entourage can betray us. That’s why  a friend asks me to never tell her if I see her man with someone else.

As for Kristen Stewart, I hope she won’t turn like Britney Spears after her split with Justin Timberlake.

broken heart, celibacy, life, men, relationships, thoughts, women

It should be me

A few years ago, one of my friends got dumped by her long-term boyfriend. He left her for another woman, his coworker.

It’s hard to be dumped. But it’s even harder if we’re left for someone else. Especially if, like in my friend’s case, that someone else was already seducing our future ex while we were still together.

My friend told me she has a hard time dealing with the new love of her ex. Because unfortunately for my friend, she couldn’t sever the ties completely with her ex, as they have a little girl. So, she knows everything about his new life with his new lover.

When they were together, they used to go to his grand-mother’s place in the South of France every summer. Life was good back then, my friend told me. It used to be a retreat for them. All of their friends  stopped there to spend some time with them. My friend told me she has her best memories there.

But now, her ex is going there with his new significant other. And every time my friend knows about this, she’s on the verge of depression. She usually disappears, not returning any calls for a few days, then recovers, and moves on. It’s been four years now they are separated. Yet, my friend always hurts when she knows he’s going back to his grand-mother’s place with his woman. Because my friend feels  she stole her life.

Even it”s been four years since the split, my friend is still bitter about this. Although she has traveled a lot and has been dating other men, she’s unable to let this go.

We don’t forget easily betrayals. Because let’s be honest, what her ex did to her was a betrayal. There’s no other words for qualifying what he did.

My friend didn’t tell him how hurt she is by this. She said it’s useless. Besides, my friend doesn’t want him to show how vulnerable she is. She told me she just wishes he had remorses over what he did.

I also asked her once if she ever thought about what she would do if he decided to come back to her. After a long silence, she replied she wasn’t sure she would be able to take him back into her life. Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil says only 7% of people who separate end up getting back together, because the pain of rejection makes it hard to forgive completely our ex. “Trust is gone” said my friend.

indeed, trust is one of the cements of a healthy relationship. Once it’s gone, it’s almost impossible to trust the person who betrayed us again.

As for my friend, I also told her to think about how was her relationship with him. Most of the time, things are not exactly perfect. And sometimes, we’re not able to see we’re in an abusive relationship.

broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

You will meet a dark stranger

In the New York Times, there’s a column called Modern Love I often read. One story was about psychics and how come we can believe them. The story also mentioned the success people have after seeing a psychic. Like if we were conditioned to let that happened.

I wonder: is this because someone we don’t know tell us about the direction of our life that our life takes that direction?

Once, someone left a spam in my blog beginning with this sentence: ” a sailor without a destination cannot hope for a favorable wind”.

Some theories say that if we know what we want, we get a better chance to have it. This is especially true in relationships. Around me, many people don’t see the point of listing the things they would like in their significant other. Most people just know what they don’t want.

But it’s funny how someone else’s predictions can materialize, maybe not completely as we thought. Two years ago, after many many drinks with one of my best friends, she asked if she could read my palm lines. And she said I would have two men in my life. Three months after that, B. told me the same thing, but not by reading my palm lines. Six months later, I briefly dated two men at the same time. But it didn’t last. That’s probably how her predictions materialized.

Most people ask the same questions to fortune-tellers. It’s either about love or about wealth. But the truth is, at some point in our life, we will all get confronted to love and wealth. It’s the decision we make about it that makes it materialize. Sometimes, for some reasons, we choose not to see those signs.

broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Left at the altar

One year ago, almost at the same date, my sister got married. She later confessed she was really stressed the day of her wedding, especially before entering the city hall where she was about to get married.

Recently, I read this post on Huffington Post about runaway brides. Apparently, more women than we think are nervous on their big day, and some are even anxious about their engagement. That’s why some run away at the altar.

But our anxiety finds its roots somewhere. Maybe it’s because we haven’t been honest from the start of our relationship, and accepted a lot of sacrifices to get to our goal. How many of us have been coward and not telling how we felt in fear of losing the one we love?

A friend of mine called off her engagement two months before her big day because she finally realized she has given too much for her relationship. Since the beginning, she has accepted a lot from him, and broke off several times with him. He didn’t treat her that well. He often called her late in the night to come to his place, but wasn’t particularly affectionate with her. He forgot her birthday many times, refused to make a gesture for her on Valentine’s Day. My friend told me many times she was afraid to lose him if she told him the truth. Deep inside her heart, she wanted to have a mental, physical and  spiritual  commitment with him. But she thought telling him that would make him run away. Instead, she broke off with him many times, only to come back a few weeks later because she couldn’t live without him.

Eventually,  he proposed to her out of the blue. She didn’t expect it at all, after all she has been through with him. At first, she was happy. But then, something happened. One night, when we were hanging at a bar with our girlfriends, the bartender asked her why him.  “All I know is that I can’t live without him” she replied. “But he’s having the best of you?” he replied. And my friend couldn’t answer. She looked at us, as if we could give her an answer. But then, one of her friends told her she hated the person she became since she got involved in her relationship. “It’s been three years now we have been patiently hearing you complaining about how bad he treats you, and you have become this weak and needy person I don’t recognize. You’re so much more than that” she said. All of us looked at each other and agreed with her without saying a word. My friend was just stomached by what she heard. And she left the bar.

Three days later, she called me and asked if we could have a drink. And she asked me if she was making a mistake by marrying him. “What do you want from him?” I asked. “To be by my side” she replied. “Have you thought about our night at the bar?” I asked. “I did. I think the bartender made a point” she said. And she asked if we could change the topic of our conversation.

Two weeks later, she called off her engagement. She told me she realized he wasn’t the right man for her after all.

So, I do believe we shouldn’t take our engagement too lightly. Given the high rate of divorces in the western countries, it’s not a bad idea.