broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Left at the altar


One year ago, almost at the same date, my sister got married. She later confessed she was really stressed the day of her wedding, especially before entering the city hall where she was about to get married.

Recently, I read this post on Huffington Post about runaway brides. Apparently, more women than we think are nervous on their big day, and some are even anxious about their engagement. That’s why some run away at the altar.

But our anxiety finds its roots somewhere. Maybe it’s because we haven’t been honest from the start of our relationship, and accepted a lot of sacrifices to get to our goal. How many of us have been coward and not telling how we felt in fear of losing the one we love?

A friend of mine called off her engagement two months before her big day because she finally realized she has given too much for her relationship. Since the beginning, she has accepted a lot from him, and broke off several times with him. He didn’t treat her that well. He often called her late in the night to come to his place, but wasn’t particularly affectionate with her. He forgot her birthday many times, refused to make a gesture for her on Valentine’s Day. My friend told me many times she was afraid to lose him if she told him the truth. Deep inside her heart, she wanted to have a mental, physical and  spiritual  commitment with him. But she thought telling him that would make him run away. Instead, she broke off with him many times, only to come back a few weeks later because she couldn’t live without him.

Eventually,  he proposed to her out of the blue. She didn’t expect it at all, after all she has been through with him. At first, she was happy. But then, something happened. One night, when we were hanging at a bar with our girlfriends, the bartender asked her why him.  “All I know is that I can’t live without him” she replied. “But he’s having the best of you?” he replied. And my friend couldn’t answer. She looked at us, as if we could give her an answer. But then, one of her friends told her she hated the person she became since she got involved in her relationship. “It’s been three years now we have been patiently hearing you complaining about how bad he treats you, and you have become this weak and needy person I don’t recognize. You’re so much more than that” she said. All of us looked at each other and agreed with her without saying a word. My friend was just stomached by what she heard. And she left the bar.

Three days later, she called me and asked if we could have a drink. And she asked me if she was making a mistake by marrying him. “What do you want from him?” I asked. “To be by my side” she replied. “Have you thought about our night at the bar?” I asked. “I did. I think the bartender made a point” she said. And she asked if we could change the topic of our conversation.

Two weeks later, she called off her engagement. She told me she realized he wasn’t the right man for her after all.

So, I do believe we shouldn’t take our engagement too lightly. Given the high rate of divorces in the western countries, it’s not a bad idea.

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