A few years ago, one of my friends got dumped by her long-term boyfriend. He left her for another woman, his coworker.
It’s hard to be dumped. But it’s even harder if we’re left for someone else. Especially if, like in my friend’s case, that someone else was already seducing our future ex while we were still together.
My friend told me she has a hard time dealing with the new love of her ex. Because unfortunately for my friend, she couldn’t sever the ties completely with her ex, as they have a little girl. So, she knows everything about his new life with his new lover.
When they were together, they used to go to his grand-mother’s place in the South of France every summer. Life was good back then, my friend told me. It used to be a retreat for them. All of their friends stopped there to spend some time with them. My friend told me she has her best memories there.
But now, her ex is going there with his new significant other. And every time my friend knows about this, she’s on the verge of depression. She usually disappears, not returning any calls for a few days, then recovers, and moves on. It’s been four years now they are separated. Yet, my friend always hurts when she knows he’s going back to his grand-mother’s place with his woman. Because my friend feels she stole her life.
Even it”s been four years since the split, my friend is still bitter about this. Although she has traveled a lot and has been dating other men, she’s unable to let this go.
We don’t forget easily betrayals. Because let’s be honest, what her ex did to her was a betrayal. There’s no other words for qualifying what he did.
My friend didn’t tell him how hurt she is by this. She said it’s useless. Besides, my friend doesn’t want him to show how vulnerable she is. She told me she just wishes he had remorses over what he did.
I also asked her once if she ever thought about what she would do if he decided to come back to her. After a long silence, she replied she wasn’t sure she would be able to take him back into her life. Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil says only 7% of people who separate end up getting back together, because the pain of rejection makes it hard to forgive completely our ex. “Trust is gone” said my friend.
indeed, trust is one of the cements of a healthy relationship. Once it’s gone, it’s almost impossible to trust the person who betrayed us again.
As for my friend, I also told her to think about how was her relationship with him. Most of the time, things are not exactly perfect. And sometimes, we’re not able to see we’re in an abusive relationship.