broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Hit and miss the one you love


Four years ago, my high school sweetheart contacted me through Facebook. He found me through the social site and posted something like “hey, glad I found you again” on my wall.  I wrote him back to discover he was single, after a seven years relationship with a woman he met in Italy while he was studying.

Back then, I was in a relationship. I told him right away I had someone in my life.

He didn’t seem disappointed. He said if I had to go to London, I should contact him. I used to go to London only several times a year because I got invited by big financial firms. But usually, my schedule was full for the day and night.

But then, something happened. The financial crisis, at its height in september 2008, forced me to go to London more.  My newspaper accepted to send me there numerous times, and accepted to pay for my travels and stays. I had more spare time in the city because of that.

So, I called him. The first time I met him, he invited me to have a sandwich in a park. He came to pick me at my conference place. And we spent the lunch time chatting. We haven’t spoken to each other since high school. I was a bit mad after him when it ended. We weren’t even speaking to each other. Back then, at our school prom, he invited me to dance with him, but then asked me to leave him because he was trying to flirt with the girl who was dancing next to us.  He and I were never a couple. But we used to spend a lot of time together.

We were just friends. But he invited me everywhere. Even if he had a girlfriend. Back then, every time someone took a picture near our group, we were always standing next to each other. A friend of mine, who didn’t know him, asked me once if he was my boyfriend. I wish he was, but it was never the case.

After high school, we went our separate ways. I didn’t hear about him anymore. And I didn’t miss him at all. I guess the night of our prom, when he told me to leave him alone, I told myself not to feel anything for him anymore. Besides, I dated other guys. And he wasn’t around anymore.

The first time I saw him back, after all those years, I didn’t feel anything particular. Maybe this was because I had a relationship. If I was single, maybe I would have acted differently. But I’m not sure.

And after our first meeting, I didn’t call him often to see him whenever I was in London. From time to time, I would call him. I knew he had someone in his life. So, I remained distant.

Now, he’s the father of a little boy. The last time I was in London, he introduced me to his son. I never met his significant other.

I’m not sure if I want to see him again when I’m in London. He never calls me. I get this feeling that if I don’t call him, he would never go after me. In october, I will be back in the city. I will probably accept the invitation for dinner coming from my professional contacts.

The thing we left broken sixteen years ago never got fixed. And it will never be, I guess.

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