broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Why the ex is still in the picture

I’m still in contact with one of my ex’s. And that contact is sometimes rocky. When he left me two years ago, he insisted we remained friends, despite I was severely heart broken. I did cut all contacts with him for months before accepting to talk to him again. I had a lot to lose if I stopped talking to him, because I can’t really avoid him for my job. The only option for me would have been moving to another country and start all over again. But I couldn’t do that.

At that time, I had the opportunity to move to New York as my company was looking for a new candidate for their american coverage. But we were many candidates for that job, and I wasn’t picked.  It would have been an ideal exit for me. But that option faded away. I did try to move to London but all the doors were closed.

So, I stayed in my country. And of course, every time I met my ex in events, it was difficult for me. Especially when he came to the annual reception of my company with his new lover. Luckily, I had my friends and family who helped me thinking about something else. And I had a lot of professional successes during this time. So, everything wasn’t that bad.

One of my friends forced me to meet other men, to date other men. As as result, I had a lot of bad dates, and I’m a bit disgusted by blind dates and dating sites in general. Some men I knew  also tried to invite me for a drink, but I turned them down.

With time, I’m now able to look at other men and find some of them way sexier than my ex.

But this process of healing would have been much easier if my ex wasn’t in the picture anymore.

Like one of my friends says, the only reason why we should keep contact with our ex is our common children.

There’s no other good reason.

Standard
celibacy, life, men, relationships, thoughts, women

It’s just a Facebook conversation

Two weeks ago, while I was about to jump in my train in Paris to go back to Brussels, I made a check-in on Facebook. I don’t usually do that. But each time I travel, my family wants to know where I am, so I use this check-in just for them.

I didn’t expect any comment on that check-in. But two minutes later, one of my Facebook friends left a  comment saying he was at the same place than I. It’s been fifteen years we haven’t spoken to each other. But there, he left a message as if we were close. And we chatted a bit after that, but there was nothing special.

To be fair, he has been liking a lot of my Facebook status lately, so I started to wonder if he was trying to come back into my life. So, I asked my friends if I should contact him, and they all replied I should, because at least, I would know what he was doing.

So, I left him a small message, asking him how he was, and if he would accept to have a drink with me.

It’s been two days now. And he didn’t reply. I guess he’s not interested.

Standard
broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

The shameful relationship

One of my friends recently admitted she was back with her ex, after all they went through together. She told me I was the only friend in her close circle to know that, because as she said, “I know my closer circle won’t approve my relationship with him“.

It’s been six months they’re back together now. I didn’t tell her I was disappointed she made that decision. We fought a lot together because of him in the past. I didn’t like the way he treats her and how she becomes when she’s with him. I still don’t like the way he treats her now. But last year, my opinion changed a little bit on him when she had to undergo a surgery. Although they were not yet back together, he rushed to her side at the hospital, and took care of her while she was recovering.

I’ve told her many times to stay away from him. Because he was never available for her. He left her for another woman, then came back to her, then left her again, … It’s been nine years now they have this on and off relationship.

Two years ago, she moved in his apartment. After three years spent living with her cousin and a friend of her, she found herself looking for a new rent but her next plan failed as her future roommate let her down at the last minute. So, her ex offered her to stay at his place temporarily. Back then, I was furious she made that choice, since she could have stayed at my place, at her cousin’s home, or anywhere else. I warned her she could get kicked out if he found someone else. But she didn’t listen to me, nor to any of her friends who were as worried as I was for her.

But unexpectedly, she managed to stay at his place.

There was a trade off during this time: she disappeared. She used to shop with me and our common friends, go to movies/parties together, get drunk together or just talked for hours at her place or mine. She became a no show. She kept on canceling our meetings, and whenever we saw each other, she was mean and aggressive.

Instead, she spent an increasing amount of time with her ex.

From time to time, though, she would speak to me about her problems with him. But every time, I would tell her to find another place to live. As a result, she took her distance with me even more.

Curiously, she admitted to me she was back with him. This time, I decided to back her choice.

 

Standard
broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, Uncategorized, women

The boyfriend material

One of my friends recently told me she was about to get hospitalized. She said her mom will come to her place to fetch her at the hospital when her surgery will be over. And added her mom offered her to stay at her place for a little while so she could take care of her.

I didn’t ask her why her boyfriend offered her the same treatment. It’s been eight months they’ve been  dating now, and they even went on holidays twice together. But here, he’s noticeably missing in the picture.

Another friend of mine, who underwent the same surgery two years ago, told me her man took good care of her after the hospital. Even though they have a difficult relationship, where they fight all of the time, he was there for her when she needed it. He came to fetch her at the hospital, and he cooked for her, washed her laundry, drove her to her parents when she needed it because she was too numb after the surgery for a while,…

My friend who’s about to get hospitalized has told me several times she doesn’t expect much from men in general. “My father wasn’t that affectionate with my mother. He never offered her flowers” she once said.

But what should we expect from our significant other?

I think we should know about what to expect from our significant other. If he’s never there when you need it, forgets all the time to wish you a happy birthday, and doesn’t respect you at all (for example, by criticizing all of your choices), then, it’s the sign he doesn’t care about you at all.

As for my friend, I just hope her boyfriend will show at her place despite her mother’s presence and stay by her side.

Standard