broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

What are his ex’s telling about him

Everybody has a past when we reach a certain age. That includes a previous love life.

When we date someone, it’s difficult not to know about the ex’s he/she dated, especially if there are children involved in the previous relationship.

And when it comes to our love life, it seems we keep on making the same mistake when we pick our love interest.

My friends always tell me I only date unavailable guys. It’s true that most of the men  I fell in love share the common feature of never making me as their priority. And as a result, I’m always the one running after them. It should be the other way around.

The last one I date was no exception to that. We lived in different towns and a different country. I was the one who travelled the most to see him, while he said he was too busy to come and visit me in my country.

But he was very clear with me at the beginning of our relationship: all her ex’s said he was too selfish and worked too much.

Another one I had said to me :”Generally, I’m very caring at the beginning of a relationship, and then, they all say I’m getting distant“. But I knew the reason why he left me was because I don’t belong to his world. All his ex-wives share the common point of coming from a wealthy family with large networks. This is not my case, as I come from a very modest hard working family.

So, yes, our ex’s can tell a lot about ourselves.

But I don’t understand why we keep on repeating the same mistake over and over again in our love life.

life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

An affair at work

In my newsroom, despite the small team we are, many of my coworkers have had or are in a relationship with each other. We count three official couples, two who divorced, and some illegitimate.

Last evening, I ended my day late, and when I walked by to my car in the parking lot, I saw a car parked very far away despite the emptiness of the spot. My car wasn’t far from it. When I approach it, the other car started to move, but I could see clearly there were two of my coworkers, male and female, in it.

Both are married with other people and are parents. But they spend an awful amount of time together at work, and she relies a lot on him for doing her interviews. Besides, whenever I try to talk to them when they are busy with a conversation, I always feel I’m disturbing them.

Maybe I’m wrong. But one of my other coworkers used to spend an awful amount of time with another coworker of mine like that. They would disappear together on lunch time, and whenever they stayed late in the newsroom, they would spend their time together. Then, two years ago, they stopped being so close. And she became bitter. She’s been mean to everyone in the newsroom since then.

And another real couple in my newsroom took us by surprise. They did their best not be be seen with each other, until one day, when they told everyone they were together. Because she was pregnant. With their child.

Most of the couples in my newsroom formed while they were still in a relationship with other people. There must be something linking us all.

One of my friends, who works for a politician, told me there were also a lot of affairs like that in her office. “I guess it’s common for people who work long hours, even during the weekends, on difficult cases, in small teams, to get into such affairs” she says.

Maybe she’s right.

broken heart, life, men, relationships, thoughts, Uncategorized, women

Behind the Boël scandal

In my country, our King has been the subject of many articles recently because he will probably retire soon, but also, because his “love child”, Delphine Boël, is asking for a DNA paternity test to prove she’s his child.

Her mom, Sybille de Selys Longchamp, even broke her silence to defend her daughter. She gave an interview to four medias, two newspapers and two TV news, to tell about her affair with the King, which lasted 18 years. She said the King was on the verge of divorcing his wife for her. But it never happened, because the baroness didn’t agree with the terms of the divorce.

No King in my county has ever divorced before. And the protocol was strict, so the baroness could never speak to the descendents of the throne.

As of today, Delphine Boël isn’t invited to Royal events. She’s not allowed to. She’s treated like every citizen in my country. No one has the right to talk to the Royal family unless the Royal family invites you to talk to them.

There’s only one member of the Royal family who dares to speak to her: the Prince Laurent. Under Baudouin Ist, the king’s brother who died 20 years ago of a cancer, the law was changed to avoid having Laurent inheriting the throne, because the prince has been the subject of many scandals in my country.

Every child born out of wedlock and not recognized by his/her biological father suffers from the lack of recognition. Because we all need to know where we come from and we all need to relate to our family.

I don’t know how this will turn out.

broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

When there’s no place for love

A friend of mine, who’s a lawyer, got dumped by her man because he’s marrying a woman coming from a  very wealthy family. My friend doesn’t come from a modest background, though, but she can’t compete with the other woman whose father owns several companies. Of course, my friend is devastated. And despite her ex chose the other woman, he keeps on contacting my friend to apologize to her. He wants her to stay in his life despite his choice. My friend has changed her phone number since then and tried to avoid the place where she can meet him in town.

He said he would marry me” says my friend. “He always said I was the best person he’s ever met. So I don’t understand why he picked that woman, apart for the money and the career” she added.

I guess it’s a question of values here. It’s only in fairy tales movies that a guy torn between two women, one rich and the other not so, picks the second option. In real life, this never happens.

One of my ex’s is a bit like my friend’s ex. He has always dated women coming from very high social circles. I was a bit of an accident. Or maybe not so. Because he used all I know to become very popular.

These guys don’t really love. They’re just using the people around them.

How do we avoid such douchebags?

I guess we should pay attention to little details early in the relationship, like if he’s telling you how to behave, how to dress in public, who you should make friends with…  My ex was like that.

If you feel diminished when you’re next to him, this should be a huge warning signal.

I would love to tell you about a happy ending in those stories. But so far, my friend is still mourning her disastrous experience, while her ex is about to get married. And as for me, well, I’ve had some success professionally. But my ex is now thinking about becoming the next Exchequer in my country.

broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Jealous of his daughter

When you fall in love with someone who already has kids, chances are you will always come after them. But love, true love, should be able to include all the ones you really care about. And the one you love should be able to make a clear distinction between you and his kids.

But sometimes, things aren’t so simple. For example, a friend of mine met a man she really loves four years ago. But because of their busy schedules, they don’t see each other that much. And her man has a daughter he barely sees, so whenever it’s possible, he tries to spend some quality time with his kid.

Since she knows him, she’s been a little jealous of his daughter. Because her man tries to compensate the period where he wasn’t there at all for his kid. His only kid. Unfortunately for my friend, her man has just realized this when their relationship started. “And sometimes, I feel he’s way too close to her, closer than me” she admitted. “He always offers her gifts, while he forgot my birthday. He calls her several times a day, while he doesn’t spend much time on the phone with me. And I’m a little bit jealous of the activities he does with her, because he travels with her to marvelous places, while he only takes me to his private retreat. He always tells her he loves her, while with me, it’s not really the case” she added. As a result, her relationship with his daughter is really difficult. And the child, who will be a teenager really soon, doesn’t like much my friend too.

My friend tried to talk about her feelings with her man, but he got offended the last time she spoke about this. And my friend is thinking about leaving her man, because she doesn’t feel loved enough.

If you don’t feel at all like a priority in his life ( I don’t say you have to be his main priority), I believe it’s not worth staying in this relationship. Frustration is the worst feeling I think.

But this situation may be temporary, and if your significant other really shows you affection, you shouldn’t leave like that.