broken heart, life, relationships, thoughts, women

Why we lose our BFF


I read recently a well written post by Caitlin Kelly on her blog about BFFs who go AWOL. And this reminds me how I lost my BFF almost fifteen years ago now.

I met her when I entered my new high school where I knew nobody there. She immediately asked me if I wanted to join her group during the break, and that’s how we became friends. She was like my sister at the time. People who didn’t know us would even ask if we were related. I spent a lot of time at her house, and she spent a lot of time at mine too. She was the shoulder I could cry on whenever I had a heartbreak at the time.

We had an exclusive bond, even though we had other friends and she had a permanent boyfriend. We even joked we would end up in a sanatorium together when we will be very old.

We thought our bond was indestructible, until her parents divorced.

She reacted very badly to this separation. She lost her appetite and became almost anorexic. Her boyfriend at the time and I were completely disarmed. She became moody, and began to pull away from him and from me. Eventually, she broke off with him. But I was still on her side.

But she became distant with me. And wouldn’t invite me to her house anymore. Instead, she invited another friend of her. When I discovered this, I felt so betrayed I couldn’t say anything to her. And I took my distance with her. Maybe I should have told her how I felt at the time. Maybe she would have realized where she was going.

And then, I met F.. I was head over heels for this man. But he didn’t like her, and at the time, I was so pissed against her that I decided to back him instead of her.

F. invited me everywhere with him. And I spent all my time with him, until he decided to call it quits. By that time, we knew both of us would go study in different towns. Strangely, it didn’t hurt me. As I realized I wasn’t in love with him. I fell in love with his best friend. That’s why I didn’t reach for my BFF at the time, like I used to do with all my other ex’s.

I was already in a relationship with him when I learned F. slept with my BFF during a drunken night. Strangely, I was mad at her, but not at F. I decided my friendship with her was over. And instead of confronting her about this, I just took my distance with her even more.

But our common friends did all they could to patch things up between my BFF and me. When we were in College, she invited me once to her place, but she didn’t explain why she invited me out of the blue like that. When I got there, I didn’t know what to say to her. She introduced me to her new boyfriend in a very crowded bar in the center of town she used to live, where all the students used to gather. She warned me we might get separated during the evening, and if it was the case, I should ask the barman (who’s a friend of mine)  to bring me back to her place.  And of course, I lost her in the crowd. But there, I met a lot of old classmates and chatted with them, instead of looking for her. I didn’t find her at the end of the night, so I asked our friend to bring me back at her place. There, her roommate opened the door, and said my BFF wouldn’t come back as she would stay at her boyfriend’s place. The next morning, my BFF came back to her place, but I was on my way to  the train station, so we didn’t exchange a real conversation.

After this visit, I wrote her a letter, asking her why she invited me. I asked her if she wanted us to be like we were before. But the letter came back to me, with the mention: the person doesn’t live in this address. I wondered if she sent it back immediately to me. It was almost the end of the year in College, and I already took the decision to choose another study and another town, far from everyone I knew. Everything went so fast, I didn’t think about her, and had other things in mind.

She never reacted. I could have call her, but I didn’t have her phone number. I only had her mom’s number. And it changed, because her mom moved in with another man and sold their old house.

Five years later, my mom bumped into her mom while she was doing her grocery shopping. I haven’t told my mom what happened with my BFF.  But my mom and her spent a lot of time talking with each other. That’s how I learned my BFF was now a teacher in my old school. That she had a new boyfriend who’s a common friend of ours…

Then, two weeks later, I met my BFF in my old town, while I was shopping with my mom. My mom left us, and we talked a little bit about what we became. At the end of the conversation, she asked if I would join her and her friends in a bar, during the evening. But I had other plans, so I declined the invitation.

I didn’t hear from her anymore afterwards.

Then, three years ago, a young lady came to visit me in my newsroom. She asked me a few questions about how I became journalist. She said her teacher told me to contact me. She said her teacher knows me well. I was really surprise when she told me this. But then, again, I didn’t try to contact her.

So far, I know she’s a mother of two children now. And that she lives with a man who’s a cheating liar. I don’t think she’s married.

So, this is how I lost my BFF.

Have you lost yours?

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