celibacy, life, men, relationships, thoughts, Uncategorized, women

The ticket for a better life

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In the movie “Tout ce qui brille”, the two principal characters played by Geraldine Nakache and Leila Bekhti dream of a better life outside their suburbs. So they often escape to Paris, to attend parties and a world they don’t belong to.

Today, as you go to Paris, you can see many young women coming from the outskirts of the city hoping to find someone to change their life. Life is tough in the suburbs of Paris. In France, poverty has been pushed back outside the limit of the cities.

Some girls will try to count on their intelligence and their work to be admitted in a prestigious school. Some other will try a different road and know that sex is sometime useful to get what they want.

But counting on the opposite sex to scale the social ladder is a sword with a double trenchant. Because he will always need some form of pay back.

Plus, if you count on him to get invitations to it parties or professional meetings useful for your career, this is only temporary. Because once it’s over, you won’t receive these invitations anymore. Unfortunately, when we divorce or split with our significant partner, we also lose our social status.

But there are various forms of manipulation of the opposite sex. Because let’s say it, this is manipulation.

Recently, a French writer, who’s also a lawyer, wrote a book about her relationship with Dominique Strauss-Kahn, the former director of the International Monetary Fund, an economist who has a thing for prostitutes and is not really loved in his country. She didn’t mention his name in the book, only referring to him as a pig. But when the book was published, every single media in France immediately related her to DSK. So, everyone knew this book was about their relationship.

Before this episode, I didn’t know about her. She gained maximum publicity thanks to her book, and thanks to DSK’s fame.

When I was in College, I knew a girl who used to sleep for good grades. Later, in her professional life, she also used her charms to get into the marvelous world of journalism. Only to end up in a political party and get fired because of a tweet mocking the pilgrims of Santiago de compostela after the horrible train accident.

These are the examples for those who want fame, but there are also those who chase money. In that case, the line with prostitution is very thin, I think.

But it also says a lot about who control the money on this planet, unfortunately.

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life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

The sideline of love

P1020557A little while ago, I used a wrong ticket to jump into my train to London. In fact, the good one was also in my bag, but I used an old one because it was very early in the morning and I wasn’t well awake.

In my car, I was surprised there were only three people. There was a woman sitting next to me. When the train left the station, a man came into our car and asked if I could sit elsewhere, as there were plenty of seats available. I seated three rows behind them. But I could hear them laughing and whispering things to each other. When we arrived in London, they got out together of the train and he held her hand. As if they waited to be in another country to be together.

Many illegitimate couples go in places where they can’t be recognized. We had the best example in my country when this woman (on the picture) explained on TV the long affair she had with our former king.

But this is a life of secrets. And you only live on the sideline of love.

These secret relationships get even more difficult when one of the two people is famous, like in the example of our former king.

One of my friends has an affair with a man who regularly appears on TV and other medias. She told me  whenever they travel together, they don’t stand next to each other at the airport or the train station. They don’t seat next to each other in the plane or in the train. They even take a separate taxi to get to their final destination. She said it hasn’t always been like that. It’s been five years they’ve been seeing each other in secret. But at the beginning of their relationship, he wasn’t that known. So they used to travel together. Now, it’s different.

He asked her to be more careful recently, because he heard people spreading rumors (…) about them.

One thing I learned in my profession, as a journalist, is that the truth always comes out, at some point. Eventually, like in the case of our former king, this affair will come into the light.

In 2008, our late prime minister married one of his former minister. He was already sick at the time, but he chose to marry her. Until then, they had denied they had an affair for years.

So, for my friend, even if they try to be careful not to be seen in public together, unless she breaks up with him, their affair will eventually come into light. Knowing her, I know she wouldn’t mind.

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broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, Uncategorized, women

Never marry the rock star

In his latest book, “Antifragile: things that gain from disorder“, the mathematician Nassim Taleb takes one example to illustrate his theory of a bimodal strategy to avoid antifragility. “Female in the animal kingdom (in some monogamous species which includes humans) tend to marry the equivalent of the accountant, or even more colorless, the economist, someone stable who can provide, and once in a while, they cheat with the aggressive alpha, the rock star, as a part of a dual strategy“.

He adds it all boils down to  the search of good genes and economic stability, which cannot be obtained in one man, as the rock star ( aka the good genes) isn’t someone stable. And the accountant/ economist (aka the economic stability) hasn’t the good genes.

Well, I don’t really agree with Taleb, because nowadays, some economists are considered as the alpha males. Some get interviewed as if they were rock stars and found themselves in the same parties like the real rock stars. An example? Nouriel Roubini.

This economist got famous for predicting the housing bubble in the United States. He’s on the left of the picture, dancing next to Gwen Stefani, the lead singer of No Doubt. At his place, his neighbors complained about the numerous parties he holds with models and “it” people.

In France, they had also a case of an economist who has a thing for prostitutes and loves the spot light: DSK.

And in my country, an accountant, who regularly features on the media, got into trouble for his car, licensed in another country: an Hummer. He likes to drive it around with various young women.

The words “economic stability” don’t pop into my mind when I think about them. As for the good genes, well,  it depends on the definition of it. If it’s the intelligent genes, then why didn’t Albert Einstein attract a lot of women?

Besides, nowadays, as I see the alarming rate of divorce in my country, I can’t think there’s an economic stability with any man at all.

Relationships are more complex than that. And love, by its nature, is fragile.

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broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, Uncategorized, women

Facing your love past

Getting your ex backRecently, I was planning to go hiking in Italy, but my trip got canceled at the last minute. So my friends invited me in their house to spend a little time with them. One of my friends offered me to stay at her apartment in Paris.

During that time, I asked my former BFF to meet him in a cafe. He’s a professor of mathematics now and teaches at the Paris Sorbonne. It’s been almost 17 years we haven’t spoken to each other. And when I found him on Facebook five years ago, he didn’t reply to my message. But he remained my Facebook friend.

He never wished me a Facebook birthday nor commented on any of my posts. But in march of this year, when I posted I was in Paris, he replied. I didn’t expect it at all. We exchanged a few emails after this, and we agreed that whenever we will be in each other’s town, we would go and have a drink together.

Weeks passed, but the occasion never happened. Until that day where I ended up in Paris. He agreed to meet me in a cafe.

I was really nervous on that day. Luckily for me, my friend who invited me at her place tried to make me laugh and told me to take it lightly.

I arrived early at the cafe. There was nobody inside except the bartender. I saw a man who looked like him standing outside. I sent him an SMS asking him to go inside. And then he sit in front of me. And started to ask me a lot of questions. But his questions were just about what I become, not about why I wanted to see him.

He told me he recently started to see our former group of friends. In 2010, when I got in touch again with an old friend who was in the same classroom than I in High School, she said my former BFF got dumped in 2008 for his best friend. His ex got pregnant and got married to his best friend.

It’s been three years now he’s dating another woman. He lives with her in the borders of Belgium. He said he finally accepted the fact his ex left him for another guy, and got in touch with his former group of friends, where his ex and her husband were part of it. He got invited to the bachelor party of one of his friends.

Yet, strangely, he has asked for his transfer to another university, in the South of France, far from his former group of friends, his family, and everyone he knows. I found this a little bit sad, because at his age, he should be pushing his career forward, and not retreating like if he was about to retire. As if he was defeated.

I know this feeling. In 2010, I wanted to leave my country to start all over again far from my life. But I chose to stay, as I have a lot to lose here.

Three days before my former BFF and his ex started dating, I kissed him because he protected me against many men who wanted to hit on me at a party where I was really drunk and vulnerable. The day after, i skirted the wall when i arrived in our classroom. I remembered my nose started bleeding and I had to run back to my place. And when I arrived, I fainted. I called my mom to come and pick me up. We went to the doctor and he said I had an infectious mononucleosis. The next two weeks, I couldn’t get out of bed because of this infection. But my BFF called to see if I was OK, and he asked if I wanted to be with him. I replied I didn’t want to.

When I got back to College, he was already dating her. And he became distant with me. We used to go out with the same group of people at the time. But he stayed away from us. Weeks passed until the end of the scholar year. I failed  all my exams, and I knew I wanted to leave to start studying journalism in another town. During the summer, I registered to my new College and searched for a room in my new city. I didn’t hear about him anymore from then.

I didn’t try to get in touch with him until now.

No wonder why I was so nervous to see him again.

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life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, Uncategorized, women

The price to be loved

In my country, there’s a huge debate right now on College initiation rites. One university has suspended temporally those activities as one student got into a coma as she was forced to drink liters of water. But the authors of this horrible act didn’t get expelled from the university.

On Facebook, I noticed some of my friends posted pictures like this:

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There was even one who put a picture of his little daughter wearing that hat on her head.

In my country, if you want to do your College initiation rite, be prepared to be forced to sit naked in your vomit, eat things you won’t eat normally (mostly associated with private parts), to be shouted on, and to be forced to drink a lot of beer, very quickly, among other things very degrading.

Back then, I knew about all of this before going to College. So, I refused to do this when I was a student. For the simple reason that I decide when I want to be naked and I hate to be shouted on without having the possibility to retaliate.

But most of my friends chose to do so, as they were conditioned by their years of scouting. Most of them feared to be excluded from their group of friends if they didn’t do their initiation rite.

It was the case of my BFF. She didn’t want to be excluded.

When we were younger, she asked me to join her scouting team. I accepted, but after six months, I quit as I was disgusted to see how they were organized. There were two girls, who came from a very wealthy and powerful family, who ruled the group. They did nothing except shouting their orders to the other scouts. And they had a scapegoat: my BFF. The other members of their team backed all their decisions. But behind their back, some of them wished they would fail.

Things aren’t very different from this in College circles for those who did their rite. Usually, the president of their circle and those who had authority all came from wealthy and powerful family. And people didn’t get the same treatments during their rite. I remember I saw in the morning some looking really fresh while others were hurt, physically.

Yet, I know some couples formed during those rites. But few lasted.

My former BFF dated for one year one of the guys who shouted at her during her rite. Another friend of mine did that too. She told me she felt protected during her experience.

Is this the price to be in a group? Is this the price to be cool? Is this the price to get successful?

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The tragic college initiation rite

Masonic-initiationIn my country, a sad news has hit again the colleges community. A woman who did her college initiation rite is in the coma right now, after refusing to quit when she complained she couldn’t handle drinking water anymore, as she didn’t want to drink beer like the rest  of the group.

I thought that in 2013, those initiation rites were on their path to death in my country. Because in the late 90’s, when I was in College, their success was already fading. My university has just passed rules that didn’t allow the presence of initiation rites leaders in the auditoriums. Before that, they used to come after the first lesson in the year in the room and forced all the students to participate to their rites.

I didn’t want to do that, so I was glad I was given the choice to do this or not. I chose the latter. But most of my friends chose to do their initiation rites, to be part of a group.

My former BFF chose to do so. Like my ex at the time. And some of my roommates. Usually, they all came back from their “activities” very drunk and sometimes physically hurt. I remember I spent my time holding my former BFF’s head when he was trying to throw up and taking care of his injuries.

My ex ended up leaving me during this period for a woman he met in his rite group.

But once, I got involved in a party where most of the leaders in my BFF’s rite were present. I was very drunk at the time, and most of them tried to hit on me. But my BFF each time intervened and told them to get away from me. At the risk of getting excluded of his group.

As for my female friends, there was another problem. As they were drunk most of the time during their rites, they were the targets of men who just wanted to get laid without obstacles with them. One of my friends woke up several times in a room she didn’t remember the night before.

One of my male roommates at the time told me that in his group, there was a girl who usually got very drunk at the end of their rite activities. All the men in his group slept with her while she was drunk. And he did too. I was horrified when he told me this, because there seemed to have pride in his voice when he said that.  I bet the woman felt like shit the morning after.

Luckily for her, she didn’t sleep with a dangerous man. But we get very vulnerable in such situations.

Did you have an initiation rite?

 

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