We can love two people, but we can’t fall in love with two people at the same time, says Francesco Alberoni in his book “Falling in love”.
That’s why we can fall in love with someone and live with him/her and then fall in love with someone else, without stopping loving the first person.
Some people can’t cope with this situation, while other are just fine with it. It depends if your first significant other cope with this or not. And if the other lover is OK with this too. But it’s not often the case.
Recently, a friend of mine told me she met a man in a networking event while she was traveling abroad. And she fell in love with him and started to have an affair. Five years ago, she got married to the one she loved. She chased him for years, and eventually got what she hoped from him. Yet, she said she felt an urge when she met the other man at this event.
Since then, she’s been lying to her husband whenever she had to meet the other man. And she told me she felt very guilty. So far, her husband hasn’t noticed anything. And the other one hasn’t asked him to choose between him and her husband yet.
“Are you happy? ” I asked to her. And she said yes. “I love them both. And I don’t want to lose anyone of them” she said.
Yet, she knows her happiness is fragile. Because when her husband will eventually know about her affair, he will feel betrayed. As for the other one, he’s aware she’s married. And seems fine with this.
My friend is just at the beginning of her affair. But over time, in my opinion, I don’t think it’s sustainable.
Some people do manage to keep their affair under wrap for years. But it’s difficult and this implies your official partner is somehow collusive of that.