The place next to him

French President François Hollande has eventually announced his separation with Valerie Trierwieler. But I guess he wanted to get out of this relationship many years ago, and secretly wished she knew about his affair and make the decision to leave him.

Statistically, 70 to 80% of breakups are done by women. But I was reading recently that most men invent strategies to transfer the responsibility of the breakup to their spouse or girlfriend, even though sometimes, they’re not really aware of it.

Among those strategies, there’s infidelity. When your significant partner starts to pursue an affair with the same person behind your back, this is the sign he wants to find what he doesn’t have in his actual relationship.

So, when François Hollande started to have an affair with the actress Julie Gayet almost two years ago, maybe this is the sign he wanted to find something he didn’t find in his relationship with Trierweiler.  Maybe it’s also the sign he wanted to get out of their relationship at the time. But for a reason, Trierweiler refused to admit he was seeing someone else. I guess this is because she loves him and she didn’t want to lose him.

François Hollande’s affair started at the beginning of his presidency, when Trierweiler had difficulty adjusting to her new role. There were multiple incidents with her embarrassing him. On the day he got elected, she forced him to kiss him in front of all the people after feeling humiliated because he first ran to his ex, Segolene Royal, to hold her after his victory. Trierweiler also twitted a message against Segolene Royal during the regional elections. And she was a little bit mean with all the journalists surrounding his man.

As the professor John Gottman says, men can’t handle well the emotional thunder: after a dispute, they have difficulty to let the pressure drop. That’s why they pull away. Too many fights, too many dramas will only make them run away from their partner.

I can understand Trierweiler, because her role next to him wasn’t easy at all, especially when you’re a journalist. Personally, I would have a hard time turning into our Queen Mathilde, where you just smile at people all of the time, and you are supposed to love everyone.

So maybe, unconsciously, she wanted to get out this relationship too. I call that sabotage.

Maybe, when Hollande won’t be president anymore, they will rekindle their relationship. After all, she’s the one who changed his life. She’s the one who believed in him when nobody did. I don’t think he can brush her off like that.