broken heart, celibacy, dating site, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

The art of choosing

Recently, I attended a conference where Columbia Business school’s professor Sheena Iyengar gave a speech about the art of choosing. She says when people have too many choices, people  postpone  their decision, make bad choices and get less satisfied by what they have chosen.

That’s why it’s important according to her to cut the options, to comfort people about their choice, to categorize the offer and to avoid complexity or make it progressive.

When it comes to love, the more choices we are given, the less we are able to pick the right person for us.

The best example of this would be dating sites. Once you’re registered, you can be contacted by hundred of different men. If they all contact you the same way, by writing to you that you look beautiful, you can feel confused and decide not to pick anyone.

This is why some men choose a different approach and try to be original. They don’t have to write poems. But when they pay attention to something written in the woman’s profile, they get a better chance to get noticed and get a response.

This is why some women also don’t find what they’re looking for on dating sites. Or pick someone who’s not the right choice for them.

One of my friends dated some of the men she met online, before marrying her best friend she has known since she was a teenager. All of the men she met online also married or got into a relationship with someone closer to them, a coworker, or a common friend. She told me she never met the right guy for her on internet.

Another friend of mine is currently dating a man she met online two years ago. She told me she chose him among five other men she met. Yet, when I see them together, I can’t help thinking she made the wrong choice, because he’s not really into her.

Does it mean we would make a better choice if we only had two or three options when it comes to love?

Not necessarily. Love is not rational.




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