celibacy, life, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Everything has changed

P1020624Since March of last year, I’ve been seeing again my old BFF. Almost 17 years ago, I left our town after a huge argument with him, and I’ve never had any news from him since then, even when I joined Facebook in 2007 and I found him again.

Our first exchange after years of silence was short. I sent him a message to ask him how he was. He replied he was writing his thesis. And didn’t ask me what I have become. It ended there.

Years passed, and he remained silent even though he still remained my Facebook friend, until one day in March of last year, when I was waiting for my train at the Gare du Nord in Paris. He left me several messages, very sweet, very unusual that day because he was at the same place at the same time than I. But I didn’t see him because my train was leaving. He made me promise the next time I will be there, I should tell him.

So I told him when I got back to Paris. And he agreed to have a drink with me.

Thanks to Facebook, I knew he was in a relationship with someone else and working as a professor. So, I didn’t have many surprises when I saw him again after years of silence.

I don’t know if he was nervous on that day, but he drank a lot of beers while we were speaking. He also told me he hated his students and his job, and that he wished he would be in another town. I didn’t tell him he was making a mistake. I just looked at him with disagreement. He also showed bitterness when he talked about his ex who left him for his best friend seven years ago.

Our conversation lasted four hours! He had to get his train, but before leaving the bar, he asked me when I will be in Paris the next time. I told him I didn’t know. He kissed me goodbye and said he was happy to see me, and then disappeared in the subway.

Three weeks passed, until I got invited in Paris again. When I told him about it, he said he would meet me there. But the D-Day, he apologized he couldn’t make it, because he had another appointment. He added it was not his kind of way. I had the feeling he was leading me on, so I just told him it was ok, and didn’t contact him afterward.

I went twice to Paris at the end of December. I didn’t tell him. I just mentioned it on Facebook, in case my other friends would be there too. But every time, he asked me when  I would be available (to the point of being a little bit annoying), and I replied I didn’t have the time for him.

Then, this year, I wished him a happy Birthday. He thanked me, and asked again if I would be in Paris soon. In fact, I was, but he wasn’t. Instead, he said he would be in my town the next weekend, and that maybe, I could meet him near the train station. I agreed.

We only had one hour together before he had to take his train. This time, he only had one coffee. We spoke about various topic, until he told me he had a deal for a book. I also told him I had a book written and almost published. So I congratulated him. And when  he had to leave for his train, I asked him if he still planned to teach elsewhere. He replied he wasn’t sure anymore, and besides, his significant other has just received an upgrade at work, so she was hesitating to leave their town as well.

I followed him until we saw his platform, but he asked me why I followed him, so I pulled back. I kissed him goodbye and he said he was happy to see me. I left him there.

Since then, I miss him.



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