broken heart, life, love, relationships, thoughts, women

Afraid to be yourself

Recently, I went to a seminar about self-improvement therapy, where our instructor asked us to sing along a piano. Our instructor asked us to raise our voice as the notes went higher and higher. I ended up screaming, searching for my inner energy.

At the beginning of the seminar, I noticed F., a woman, who is Turkish, who had tears in her eyes. When she started the exercise of singing along the piano, she couldn’t raise her voice. The instructor asked her if she had ever shouted at someone, and she replied negatively. So, our instructor asked us to sing with her, raising our voice as the noted reached higher and higher. F. followed us, until she stopped and started crying.

Our instructor asked her to stop the exercise. F. went back to her chair, next to me. I just told her she was great.

Our instructor told her she shouldn’t be afraid to be herself. She asked F. if she had been raised to not speak her mind out loud. F. simply nodded her head to agree with her. But she couldn’t reply. Our instructor asked if she heard what she said. F. took a while to reply, but she said it was painful. Our instructor added we have the right to be ourselves, and that only us decide how we will live our life.

Later, when I was talking to F. with another participant at the seminar, F. told me she broke off her engagement, with a guy her parents picked for her. We were talking about women who refuse to have kids, as A., the other participant, and I. don’t want kids. F. also said she didn’t want any child. She also told us she lived in Turkey until she was 12, and then came to our country. F.,who is a social worker, like A. BTW, has tried to be independent since she started working. But as A. said, Turkish women are under a lot of pressure to get married and have children, as their parents invite men at their house so their daughter choose among them.

As if you’re not a woman, if you don’t get married and have children” replied F.

There was a strong willingness in her voice when F. said all this. But when she had to sing, her fears paralyzed her.

To sing awakens our inner emotions, said A. When A. sang, our instructor noticed she went chaotic. A was surprised, as she said she was a very structured person  because of her education.  When I sang,  our instructor said I sounded like a child.  I don’t know what to think about that.

Another participant, N., also had some problems to reach higher notes. But N. told us afterward she was asking herself a lot of questions, as she was tired to be the HR of her company.

But it seems many of us are afraid to be ourselves. After all, the road to ourselves is the longest we’ll ever take.

broken heart, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Dangerous lovers

1186207_10152315605651950_2096912781897946807_nRecently, I went to a conference where they invited Joe Navarro, an ex-FBI agent, who’s now advising traders. Navarro gave a speech about dangerous personalities, those who will make your life a living hell if you stay nearby. Because as he said, these individuals don’t care about your feelings and feel superior to all of the human beings.

Navarro said we can’t expect to change these people, because they will never recognize they are wrong.  So, as he added, either you have to take a lot of drugs to endure them, or you just have to run away.

Maybe Reeva Van Steenkamp should have listened to him if she had the occasion when she was still alive. Unfortunately for her, she fell for a dangerous personality like Navarro depicted in his book : Oscar Pistorius.

Today, the attorney said Pistorius always thought about himself and never about her during their 4 months relationship. He said Pistorius always criticized her in public and always told her how to behave. He never said he loved her.

But it’s difficult to leave such a bad relationship. Because the longer you stay, the more you’ll get used to the bad treatment. And you won’t necessarily remark it, but there are signs you should really watch out.

If you cry for no reason, feel permanently neglected, not heard, if you don’t love yourself because of this relationship, then, it may be some warning signs this relationship is not good for you.

I guess listening to your feelings is the best guide you’re in the wrong way.