broken heart, life, love, relationships, thoughts, women

Afraid to be yourself

Recently, I went to a seminar about self-improvement therapy, where our instructor asked us to sing along a piano. Our instructor asked us to raise our voice as the notes went higher and higher. I ended up screaming, searching for my inner energy.

At the beginning of the seminar, I noticed F., a woman, who is Turkish, who had tears in her eyes. When she started the exercise of singing along the piano, she couldn’t raise her voice. The instructor asked her if she had ever shouted at someone, and she replied negatively. So, our instructor asked us to sing with her, raising our voice as the noted reached higher and higher. F. followed us, until she stopped and started crying.

Our instructor asked her to stop the exercise. F. went back to her chair, next to me. I just told her she was great.

Our instructor told her she shouldn’t be afraid to be herself. She asked F. if she had been raised to not speak her mind out loud. F. simply nodded her head to agree with her. But she couldn’t reply. Our instructor asked if she heard what she said. F. took a while to reply, but she said it was painful. Our instructor added we have the right to be ourselves, and that only us decide how we will live our life.

Later, when I was talking to F. with another participant at the seminar, F. told me she broke off her engagement, with a guy her parents picked for her. We were talking about women who refuse to have kids, as A., the other participant, and I. don’t want kids. F. also said she didn’t want any child. She also told us she lived in Turkey until she was 12, and then came to our country. F.,who is a social worker, like A. BTW, has tried to be independent since she started working. But as A. said, Turkish women are under a lot of pressure to get married and have children, as their parents invite men at their house so their daughter choose among them.

As if you’re not a woman, if you don’t get married and have children” replied F.

There was a strong willingness in her voice when F. said all this. But when she had to sing, her fears paralyzed her.

To sing awakens our inner emotions, said A. When A. sang, our instructor noticed she went chaotic. A was surprised, as she said she was a very structured person  because of her education.  When I sang,  our instructor said I sounded like a child.  I don’t know what to think about that.

Another participant, N., also had some problems to reach higher notes. But N. told us afterward she was asking herself a lot of questions, as she was tired to be the HR of her company.

But it seems many of us are afraid to be ourselves. After all, the road to ourselves is the longest we’ll ever take.


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